“Why? Why pretend the whole time that you were happy for me when I met him, when we got engaged. Why didn’t you tell me before I swore myself to him and took his ring? Goddamn it Jayce! Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Jhayce opened her mouth as if in reply, but words failed her. Her heart was furiously beating against her chest as if begging her to take the chance to explain. She tried to swallow but her breath caught in her throat. So she looked at the woman standing in front of her and for the first time in a long time, she stopped holding back the dam of tears and let the trail of tears burn a path down her face.
“Shit, I’m so so sorry, Jhayce. I didn’t mean to be angry. I’m not angry at you…” Alex let go of the box she was holding and let it fall to the floor so she could comfort her friend.
Even with the partial amnesia she knew Jhayce rarely cried, it took a lot to summon her best friend's tears. She held her for a long time until the sobs subsided. In that time Alex tried to remember more, the box and it's contents helped. She was overcome by images her brain had hidden from her. They were all happy memories, but she couldn't find what she was looking for.
"Appleberryjam, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make you cry."
"Si...silly peaches, you...you're the only one who makes me cry." The other replied in a broken voice.
"D...do you remember now?" She asked in between hiccups. The other nodded solemnly.
"Good...I missed you." That simple statement caused Alex's heart to skip a bit, it made her think of all those times she tried to make her say it and she never did.
Jhayce moved out of her embrace and used her shirt to dry her face.
"I've thought over and over about what I would do once you remembered..."
The other smiled seductively at her and asked in a low voice, "Oh? What did you want to do?"
"This." Was all her bestfriend said before fireworks exploded behind closed eyes as their lips locked.
The sensation was new and familiar all at once to the girl who had forgotten, and Alex pushed the kiss deeper until Jhayce was lying on the floor. She left her lips to trace a trail of kisses down her neck until she came to that place where her lover's heartbeat was most audible. She placed a gentle kiss there and turned so she could hear it's beating.
"My appleberryjam, all mine." The other girl couldn't help but smile at the gesture and at the words she'd been wanting to hear.
"Of course, peaches, all yours."
"There's one thing I still don't remember though, my love."
"Hmm?"
"I can't remember any reason why you wouldn't tell me the truth immediately."
Alex sat up and straddled her best friend who was silently looking at her.
"Atleast tell me why. All those times I felt lacking, like there was something important I can't remember. I wanted to know what it was, I felt like it would be the answer to the emptiness, an emptiness that feels sated when you're there. That's why I always wanted you there, I didn't want to feel the emptiness. So why didn't you tell me, my love?"
Jhayce gently extracted herself from beneath and sat cross legged in front of Alex.
"Do you remember the one thing you always say you wanted to have?"
"You." Alex replied swiftly.
"No, not me, the thing you always talked about, the one thing you always wanted. You need to remember, that's...I guess that’s the answer."
Her best friend scrunched up her face in concentration. She looked around the room and happened to see one painting in the memory box, one containing three people, the two, she assumed, were her and Jhayce, and a third delicate figure that triggered a series of memories; until she finally knew the answer.
"A baby, I wanted to have my own baby. And to grow old with you. I wanted a family."
"Yes, your lifelong dream, that's why I decided not to tell you, because you finally had the chance to achieve your dream."
"But I still don't understand why, my love. I wanted you, you were a part of the dream I know I told you that."
"Peaches, it was your dream, a dream you had even before you met me. You modified it a little to include me but the basics stayed the same. A baby, a family, growing old together, having grandchildren. It was a dream I'd hoped you would be able to make come true if I was out of the picture."
"No, no, no. I wanted you and that dream. We talked about it appleberryjam, we can have a donor then I can conceive thru IVF then we can still make it come true."
Jhayce looked away upon hearing this, she took visible deep breaths but couldn't seem to utter the words for a long time.
"That's the thing, silly peaches, I didn't want that. I want you, God knows I do. But I don't want the baby, the growing old. I always planned on dying young. And I could never come to tell you because it would break your heart. I didn't want to have to make you choose."
Rhaine's face was a mask of shock, Jhayce knew it would break her heart to hear that truth, the one truth that divided them; dreams so opposite one had to be given up for the other, dreams so different there could no compromise, dreams so dear they could not be let go of.
As the blue-haired girl looked at the one person she has ever loved, she knew there was a distance now. She wanted to reach out and touch her, so that the physical aspect of proximity could help her deceive herself that things were the same. Rhaine took a deep breath and started to silently cry. Rhaine wasn't like that, she never did things silently. She was bustling and full of energy and full of life.
Jhayce could hear her catching her breath as sobs wracked her body and she was forced to sit and hug her knees. Jhayce couldn't stand it anymore so she went and hugged her. Her bestfriend flinched at her touch but didn't reject it. That was the longest her best friend had ever cried, and selfish as it may seem, it hurt that her presence seemed to make no difference.
Okay so, this, is a story that’s been sitting in my drafts for awhile. Forgive me for the length, I never learned formal writing which is why my manner of telling stories is a bit rambling. Despite that, whomever may read it, I still hope you like it. Though my girlfriend thinks it’s sad and that I’m just being mean to Jhayce. 😂😂😂 Also, I hope you don’t have an issue with the genders because this is truer to who I am. Love wins! 🌈
Image was made by my girlfriend in a colouring (?) app. This is somewhat a representation of what Jhayce looks like (as she puts it, this story should be entitled “Ang Buhay Ni Blue”. 😂 Also, my love is awesome. ❤️ That’s out of topic but nonetheless true.
