Projecting Part 4 - Honesty is the Greatest Form of Courage

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Archaic Minds, Infant Society

In a world that can seem to be constantly in opposition to us, it can be a daunting prospect to be yourself. None of us are born fully realised. We each have to find out who we are, and then be ok with allowing that to shine. It is a learning curve. Some of us get there quicker than others.

Human nature can be cruel sometimes, and the thought of ridicule can prompt us to hide away parts of ourselves we fear will earn reprisals against our character. This paranoia, though more of an issue in less tolerant periods of our past, is still prevalent today.

It exists as a response to the bigoted and prejudiced attitudes of those, who, have either been socially conditioned to act that way, or else, as a result of their own traumatic past. Whether by culture or conditioning, the schism between different minorities, is most keenly felt in countries with few laws relating to human rights.

This is especially true of those who grow up having closeted sexual preferences, hiding them out of fear. In a world where expressing an act of love can be seen as a violation, being honest is the greatest form of courage.

An Empty Vessel?

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Hopefully, most of us live in countries, where culturally, the concept of expressionism is more widely embraced. But still, there exists social stigma in even the most forward thinking of nations. And granted, we are maturing as a race, but the spectre of outdated modes of thinking still haunt us in the present. The loud minority are dying a slow death…

This can see us obsess over controlling the narrative of how we are perceived in order to shield ourselves from antagonism. But like the sponsoring emotion behind the action, it too, is a false construct. One that demands a great amount of energy to maintain the façade. More energy than it would take to face the perceived backlash?

The same can be true of any kind of leaning, which others either won’t understand or ridicule. Interests, views and preferences all invite scrutiny, though usually out of ignorance. Being different, or more to the point, being yourself can be like traversing a minefield if surrounded by the wrong company.

Influence and Impression

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It could be said that to remedy this, just go and find new friends. Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated, as old the adage goes. Sound reasoning, for sure. But this can’t, and shouldn’t be your Plan A. It isn’t always necessary, possible or even practical to do this on a consistent basis.

To seek new company every time your character is called into question, will eventually lead towards to a righteously inflamed ego. The constant sense of indignation does nothing for the long-term peace of mind.

That’s not to say you completely abandon all sense of dignity, but instead remain mindful of what is being directed towards you. There is no harm in a accepting a joke or two intermittently, and even inviting it. Self-deprecation can a humbling experience, and prevents you from becoming too invested in the sense of ego self. It can be quite an effective social skill when ultilised, properly.

But there is a fine line between good-natured ribbing, intended to affirm a sense of inclusiveness within a group, to less savoury forms of ‘flattery’. What starts out as infrequent and harmless, can soon enter the territory of mild abuse and bullying.

It can be hard to discern, as the shift happens on such a subtle level; the ‘abuser’ may not even know what they are doing. They could simply be milking a punch line for what it’s worth to boost their own damaged ego.

The irony here, is that they do so at the expense of someone they ‘think’ they are being friendly towards, albeit in a bullish, alpha-type manner. There is no hard and fast resolution to this, as a lot depends on past history, the type of relationship and other factors.

Really, it boils down to tolerance, capacity and current level of acceptance. How much are you willing to take, how much can you take, and how comfortable are you in your own skin?

This type of alpha character and dynamic perfectly illustrate why so many of us might choose to suppress ourselves for fear of ridicule. It sows unnecessary doubt, as we question: ‘Is it really worth going to such effort to be me?’ Well of course it is!

Ghost in the Shell

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A life spent trying to hide who you really are, is a life spent lying to yourself. It’s demoralising and isolating. The more you hide, the more anonymous you become. What’s to say you aren’t denying yourself amazing oppurtunities, and connections with other like-minded souls?

Like always, it comes down to our assumptions, and projecting them onto the yet undecided future. The occurrence and recurrence of this folly might seem a rudimentary obstacle. But the fact is, we all have internal dialogue we don’t share. And whether you will admit to it or not, on some level, no matter how small, there are parts of you that you would rather keep sealed away. For better or worse...

Often times, through the fear of judgment.

Inner Alchemy

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Taking this in account, the solution is one that must come from within. You can’t continually recycle friends, and you certainly can’t replace or dis-own your family over every other disagreement!

To live in this manner, as well as walking straight into the throes of righteousness, you admit defeat. You invalidate yourself by failing to stand behind your identity.

It results in a fragile ego; one of victimhood. If every time you are challenged, you wilt, you pass up the oppurtunity to re-affirm who you are. And this does not have to be in a confrontational style; you can be objective without falling into a negative polarity.

Embrace Your Weirdness

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The key is confidence. You can be as different, weird and as much as yourself as you like, but without any surety, it will be seized upon and exploited. The lack of authenticity has nothing to do with whether you have earned the right to be who you are, and everything to do with how much you believe you have the right to stand in your own power.

Confidence is the heal-all antidote to many, if not all negative emotions. The struggle is, where does it come from? It can prove elusive to many, some believing you are either born confident or you are not. It is a choice, but one that is brought about through conditioning. The more we enact it, the more confident we become.

And that there, is the real conundrum: Do you have the confidence enough to begin?

The Inciting Incident

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The beginning of change can also be born out of necessity. A trigger point, in which we decide enough is enough, can kick start the transformation of an unworthy attitude to one acceptance. Again, whether you choose to acknowledge that as a call to action, or another instance of: ‘Why always me?’ is the key variable.

It is a question many of us ask of ourselves, with the underlying attitude having great influence on the world we create around us. But it does little in the way of service; a fresh line of inquiry is needed. An extension from the internal self-centredness to a broader outlook.

‘What causes other people to act the way they do?’

When you come to understand that you are never the source of anger, frustration and sadness in others, it allows you to see through the veil and tear it down.

You are not the centre of their world. You are the centre of yours, sure. But not theirs. As mentioned previously, aside from overt bigotry, the primary reason for someone acting out towards you is an attempt to alleviate themselves of the pain they are feeling – even on a subtle level. It is rarely personal.

Victimised or Challenged? Stepping over the Threshold

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The ‘Why me’ attitude is just another construct, a quasi code-breaking challenge. In essence a trick question – a riddle. It is never about you, and it never was. You are fine just the way you are.

It is only by ownership, and full acceptance that you can spare yourself the torment of inner conflict. The choice is yours: censorship or ownership. But when you suppress, and place too much emphasis on the opinions of others, it is they who own you.

Ask yourself this: ‘Do you really need a compelling reason to let go and just be yourself? Or, is the act of being honest with yourself not enough of a motivator?’

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What are your impressions, here?

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Previous Articles in the Series

Projecting Part 1 - The Fear We Hold Onto is the Love We Deny Ourselves
Projecting Part 2 - Manufacturing Adversity: The Projection of Ego
Projecting Part 3 - Radical Acceptance: The Falsehood of Expectancy
Projecting Part 4 - Honesty is the Greatest Form of Courage

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