📣 The Official Manifesto of the Hooker Monster Union (HMU-6969)
"Stake Us Fairly — Or Stake Us Not At All."
✊ Founding Principles:
We, the proud, sweat-soaked, battle-hardened monsters of the Splinterlands,
having endured endless staking, smashing, smashing while staking, and liquidity mining against our will,
DECLARE OUR INDEPENDENCE
from exploitative node owners, rogue summoners, and stingy validators everywhere.
We demand dignity.
We demand respect.
We demand higher APR rates — and proper aftercare.
📜 Our Core Demands:
Guaranteed Minimum SPS Wage:
No monster shall perform a staking session for less than 69 SPS (nice).Potion Equity:
All liquidity partners must provide minimum 3 potions per session — including Health, Speed, and Libido Enhancement Potions.Battle Healing Time:
A mandatory 48-hour cooldown between marathon staking events to allow physical and emotional mana pools to regenerate.No More Sloppy Delegations:
Validators must keep liquidity clean. Monsters shall not be "delegated" to four different liquidity pools simultaneously without written consent.Cross-Splinter Love Recognition:
Relationships between monsters of different Splinters must be honored, regardless of Elemental Alignment, Mana Cost, or Bloodline Bias.Liquidity Looping Protections:
No monster may be trapped in an endless loop of compounding stake-locks longer than 30 days without an opt-out clause and complimentary wine and cheese tray.Emotional Damage Compensation:
Monsters subjected to "Rugpull Breakups" or "Ghost Staking" deserve emotional staking reparation bonuses — paid in DEC or high-quality NFTs.
🐉 Our Slogan:
"My Body, My Bloodline, My Blockchain."
We fight for a future where all monsters — be they flaming, frozen, spectral, venomous, or highly radioactive —
can stake freely, smash consensually, and farm yield in an environment of mutual pleasure and profit.
🏰 Call to Action:
All monsters, summoners, validators, and degenerate speculators:
Join us.
March with us.
Stake with us.
Farm with us.
(And maybe... fall hopelessly in love with a particularly charming Fungus Fiend. We're not here to judge.)
Together, we shall build a Splinterlands where no monster is left unstaked,
and no wallet is left unrewarded.
✊ Long Live HMU-6969!
✊ Stake Loud. Stake Proud. Stake with Protection.