Wait, that light was supposed to be on? I've been talking for ten minutes already. So none of that...? Well I've never used one of these before! I thought you needed tapes to record on it, of course I don't know that the red light has to be green. Whatever.
So this is working now yeah? You can hear me little box? I'll just do this over again. My name is Randel Tolp, I'm currently on what I'm told is a spaceship called the Dronefly. I'm in way over my head with all this. Some weirdo they've been calling Muxx sent orders for all of us, including me, to go to some planet and talk to some people. I'm only saying some planet because I can't pronounce what he said. All I've ever known is English, everything else is a mystery to me. What bothers me is that he mentioned me. I was still back home when he sent that out. Apparently the captain knows him but she hasn't talked to him in a long long time. However he knows I really don't like it. Well shit, now that I'm thinking on it he might be listening to this too....Nah.
They picked me up out of that damn tube I got thrown in. Took a while to pry the door off but there they found me, ankle deep in crap and candy wrappers. Captain Constants winked at me as she helped me out, not sure what that was about but I'm thoroughly disturbed, and asked me who I was. First thing that came to mind was doctor. People usually buy that one, I'm smart enough to be one anyway. What isn't so easy to believe is a doctor in the army. Long story short she grilled me about my credentials but since no one knows where the planet I came from is no one can confirm anything. I don't know what to call it really but I think if I manage to get back I have the right to name it. Anyway, now I have to figure out what all these machines are for down here in I guess the med-bay. She called it that but it's like I'm in a closet here.
Miss Fixit, you might have heard her telling me how this recording thing works, is hard to keep up with. She was talking a mile a minute when I asked her about these machines here. There's a first aid kit right there...aaaaaand that thing is the table...I got the basics. There's this goo tube in the corner, not so sure what that does. I'm happy to see some simple bits in the kit at least. It's all pretty standard affair, threads and needles and bandages and-woah that's a big dose of amphetamine. They just put this in here? Morphine ok, I get that, but this? Oh and there's the morphine, nestled in between the amphetamine and this nice little bag of white powder. Oh what is it now? Why do I have to come along? Oh right a medic is good to have on hand. Alright just give me a second to pile all this back in the bag.
Aw come on! I left this thing going the whole time? I slept since the last time I talked to it! I'll have to ask Fixit to edit the recording, don't want an entire day of dead air. Well we went to the planet we were supposed to, they talked to somebody, and now there's a new face on board. Looking up to see the stars is the strangest feeling. He's going to be a cook I guess. Hope he has better luck with figuring out his station than I did. Oh there he is now. Hey one-eye! I'm Randel nice to meet you. Lain? Weird name but I'm sure you think mine's weird too. You making anything because I've been living off candy for the past maybe three days and I would kill for a burger. Somebody attached their floating tub to this floating tub? You can do that? Burger can wait, I gotta see this.
Can't believe that I've gotta be stuck in this tiny little itty bitty spec of a cubby when she's got all that. Why exactly aren't we all on the ship more than three times our size? Good golly these space people are stupid idiots. So that interruption was miss Princess Katle'a, apparently Cap'n Constants called her because she was in the orders too. She looked like she walked out of some kind of cowboy cartoon. I like it but that comes from the guy who's entire wardrobe is white tees and blue jeans. She seems just as ecstatic to be involved in this as I am. She's got better things to do with her time I guess. Wonder if I can catch a ride with her the next time she's here. Jesus Christ what is that furry thing? Ahhhh get it off me, get it off me! Help! Lain, I know you're in the next room! Get over-ouch! It bit me! Get it oooooo-.
Princess KatLe'a bonks the racoon on the head with the butt end of her pistol... Pries it off the medic.
So, can you stitch yourself up? Probably want to clean that wound, too. As for my ship, you can visit as long as you don't let the racoon in. Now where are those burgers?
Saunters off, leaving Tolp behind with an open mouth and a concussed racoon.