Hello everyone,
I wanted to share with you my testimony about this drug called cocaine. I hope he will be able to serve you, but I must confess that it is the fact that I have no one to speak to, that is pushing me to write.
It's like in the experiment with the monkeys: They give them cocaine, and after a certain period, they just decide to be alone with cocaine... That's me.
I am 25 years old and I am someone who has been very bad for a long time. From 10 years old, I have gained a lot of weight, not at a stroke, but little by little. At school, I had friends, but I was often reduced to my appearance, children of this age having little pity (which I understand today, a child is innocent, but cruel too). This continued until adolescence, the period when one would like to accept oneself, but I have lived long years of emotional solitude, very few girlfriends, many humiliations. I am also a sensitive person, reserved, but endowed precisely with that artistic and moral sensibility which makes me today, I think, so different and so interesting to others. I tell you this without any pretense, it is my person.
In short, when you feel bad, you live by proxy, day by day, you shut yourself up on your hobbies and you run away from the mirrors that send you a horrible image of you.
Yet there was a click ... I was fed up. Having gone on in my twenties, not having advanced a bit on my body or mind, and after having gone through a nervous breakdown which merely reinforced my distress, I decided to take the bull by the horns, forgetting me, and having as a horizon only my objective: to change, or rather, to become what I had always been inwardly, and to live life in a natural and uninhibited way.
It started with a reorientation, I was not doing what I wanted in life. Then naturally came the surpassing of myself: I lost 30 pounds in a very short time, adopting a drastic regime cumulated with an intensive practice of endurance sports.
This is the best thing I have done: I no longer recognized myself, I was beautiful, muscular, thin, I discovered that I had a charm in every test, in short .... I have confidence in me. I then became the darling of my new entourage, people were admiring my person, not knowing me before, and I was finally released! I relived, it was hopeless, it was the most beautiful years of my life ... 4 years of intoxication.
It was at the moment when I discovered the joys and sorrows of a relationship and then of a love separation that I began to try to take cocaine (this period dates back today to a year). I really do not know, no, to be honest, I wanted to make up for lost time, to live rock'n'roll, to experiment.
My first feeling about the product: it's AWESOME!!!! We feel powerful, we are funny, performing, enduring in the evening (you have to say, as soon as you're too stuffed, a coke rail and you good to go all night!).
It was at first a very occasional consumption, only festive, and I do not deny it, I have excellent memories! I'm a guitarist, kind of gifted by nature, so I took pleasure in the sessions "Jam" with other musicians (shoutout to @troilo, who now learns me and helps me a lot to enjoy life without drugs), to improvise all night, with regular passage to the toilet to re-motivate ... Coke inspires you and frees you from your inhibitions, even musical ones. I want to make it clear that my consumption was solitary, no one knew about it, and I made sure to wash my nose, to blow my nose, so that it goes unnoticed ...
Quickly, with increasingly stressful and intense exams, I began to take to continue to be performing.
It is here that the real danger begins. Little by little, you only feel "awake" under coke. Worse: without cocaine, you feel like you are no longer so receptive and sensitive to things (humor, emotion in front of a good movie, ecstasy during a sexual intercourse).
So one night I was forced to go to the hospital for extremely frightening symptoms of ventricular tachycardia (the quality of the coke I had at that time became appalling, and when you want tell you that sniffing the shit that is sold to you in greater quantity will have the same effect ...).
Since then, I limit my consumption. I will not lie to you, I have recovered at times, but I force myself to stop. However, whatever the period of weaning, I always want.
I manage to do without it, I did not sniffed for long enough to be addicted, but it goes very fast. I can be said to be slightly dependent to it.
I will not advise you against this product, not because it is "bad", but precisely because it is an exhilarating drug, which multiplies your ego tenfold. The other side of the coin is enormous: whatever I do, it's hard to find yourself "like before", to just enjoy life in the present, without thinking. You will lose a part of yourself.
I keep hope, I have come back much farther than that, and I happen to recover the taste of simple things, at the price of a titanic work on my mind.
My testimony is shamefully long, I apologize, but you can not imagine how good it is to talk about it, if only to write it ...
If anyone passes by, he wants to talk about it, advise me, share, anything ... somewhere I need you, whoever you are.
thank you for your patience
The ego is so prone to addictive substances. It craves to break out and take control. It's the one thing we all must master. Your testimony is refreshing and real. It takes a lot to put such things out into the world about one's self for others to do with as they will and for that I thank you. No advice here friend as I think you have a handle on your world. I will point you in the direction of a man who's done wonders in my life. A true Master of his craft. Dr. Morse via youtube. Go and play around with his channel. Many vids. The main reason is for detox in your case. He'll teach you everything and anything if you just explore. Much appreciated and be well.
You are so right... It's all about the ego. I think that most of the drugs feed our ego. (expect for LSD, that does the opposite). I'm realizing since not long that the happiness is inside me, but that my ego is won't let it go out by itself, like if he absolutely needs a mental or hormonal reason to be happy. But I deeply know that we have access to it at anytime, if we take the right path.
I will check this Dr. Morse for sure. I am working on personal development since a long time, and I think that I'm doing better each day on this planet.
Thanks a lot for your kind words StillWater. May the god of your choice, or the universe itself, Bless you.
This is such a "potent" POST !!! !!!
A Powerful and Meaningful IN-SIGHT !! - ))
.. and such a L(earn-in)G EXP(erie)NCE !!!
i very happy you've shared this ... i trust IT will 'serve' YOU !!
i've set UP my steem voter today .. i'm including YOU ! - ))
.. thanks for being YOU !! - ))
lovelovelove )))
greb'Z )
Ohhhhh thanks a lot mister greb'Z! You're so cool! <3
Holy mother of testimonials! Thank you for this. People seem to underestimate the power of substances. Resteemed..
Hey thank you. Yes you're right, everybody underestimate it. In fact it's really strong, the psychological and physical dependency is huge...
I just want coke one time and sleep eternally.
Haha, so take some coke when you'll be 80-90 years old, just the day before the doctors say you will die. But I tell you it's not worth it. You'll be deceived. :P
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