📽🏜 THAT DESERT LIFE: HAPPY SUNDAY FUNDAY EVERY ONE!! MY WEEKEND VLOG
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ALL I WANNA KNOW, IS THERE A BIGFOOT IN HERE BECAUSE FUCK, I HAVE HIS MATCHING LEG🤣🤣🙄✒📖

This weekend I chose to get out and get some sun. Walk a little. Im not going to lie its downright painful as fuck. I dont know what else to do but to keep going. Short of removing the dam leg. Haaaa. But yesterday I mentioned a place in my Daily Hive post on HiveBlog I went out to Rodger Springs. I spelt it wrong yesterday. I like reflecting on thoughts after outings and while the outings are becoming less frequent, I am noticing a fonder appreciation for the simple things in life. You guys if this doctor fixes me. Im living, I'm traveling. Hell, Liz said she'd go with me to get a passport and wave goodbye. Don't get me wrong she hates me haaa, but there's a fine line between love and hate and that line is called "pain" to some "infidelity", shit even nice words like "family", "friends"; because love is love. I believe the love we have for a friend or relationshipthe same only difference is how you express the love that defind what section of love.

I just loved that little cave.

My best friend, some have met her. @snook @enginewitty @dreamsteem @jayna @davedickyyall @bethvalverde @scarletreaper84 @ I cant ever spell Alex's name correctly.... @mariannewest and so many last summer in Colorado

I could still walk then. I had literally just been released from the first hospital out of 4 stays this year alone but it was right after the fall and she didn't want me to miss it for the world so she got me there.

She's been though thick and thin with this situation and it started right before the block party. Its sad because our relationship took a toll. We'd climb mountains.

BUT OMG WHAT DO I MEAN BY THAT, SHE MEAN BY THAT

We dam near hate each other but pain, disease, sickness, stress doesn't just effect the you. It effects the way you have, or even bother to make friends and have relationships. We used to do so many fun things so freely. Im a shadow of who I was but shes the only person who took up the challengeto not fail me. Even though she fails me all the time. You guys Im always in pain. If something wasn't/isn't done in a specific order, or why was that put there.... it starts a cascade of fighting. All my fault. I saw my body fall apart. My mind is starting to.. You try to control little things because its all you can do. It feeds into this cycle. Always comes back to that. That fall, how incapable I am. Its me; It's pain. It breaks more than just the person apart. Thats why communicating is important. So we talk about what the future will hold and she will help support whatever journey I choose and while I fixate on the things she cant provide for me medically, im missing all the great person friend she's really trying to be. Its distracting. The pain. Thats why they leave us like this.

Same cave as the little black and white gif.

I know one thing, if its anyone who will help me get back to that cave it will be her. In reality she just wants me happy. We've been talking a lot. Those who follow my blogs know that soon, her and I will go our own ways. Its necessary. As much as that scared little kid part of me want to stay around, I know that my world has become too small. Like a doll in a box. 4 walls. I need to be not afraid. I cant do that with anyone holding my hand. She knows that. It doesn't mean it's not heart breaking. The closer this appointment comes... the more the fear sets in.

You see I do believe in signs, numbers and them old tricky sayings. So after dealing with trauma, because she deals with it too... its only fair that we heal, find ourselves and grow but the closer August comes..... the fear.... why August...

I dont know. Even a tarot spread I did for myself & posted said resolution or answer to would come in August. It seems Every court issue, hard ones August start and resolve around August, divorce, its like breast implant put in, taken out August....OOO, OOOMG THAT FAKE DUI, yes fake. Ive earned a real one... wanna see the footage of the field sobriety test if this post goes viral. I will. Haaaa. It's that DUI was still is embarrassing. I don't know why I even attempted. They all knew me too. The cops. Sebring is a small town. So when I got pulled over, my ex-husband (literally like second date with him) he leaves...yea. My lawyer Linda handed me the footage on VHS and said,, "I cannot help you, also I've never seen so many officers respondto a DUI". When I watched......omg...embarrassed. I will put my footage where my mouth is if this does go viral. Its on VHS but I can get it converted.... oh Lawwwdddd.... that one was in August as well.. back to the fake DUI 2013, I got OJ Simpson's Lawyer Oswaldo Fumo. Got Wreckless.... I'll elaborate if yell want in the comments about that. Lol

I'm curious by nature, I have ADHD; having no energy sucks because you guys there's nothing wrong with having ADHD. Nothing, Just I like to keep busy. As a kid it was easier. Today all kids are labeled because they've taken the process out of everything. Kids are restless. Not saying ADHD isn't real. Trust, I know but it just means we do things a little different. Like my dad used to say while we worked and refurbished Volkswagen Beetles:

your like a car in neutral. We all are but when you are in neutral (steps on the gas petal some) you just rev a little faster than most. You'll be ok kid. Now help me bleed the breaks

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God I miss him.. He past in July and was 91.... but We had process as kids, in the schools, life. I loved it. The card catalog,
library times.... they make everything so easy for people that need that process. We all do really. I do struggle still as an adult and I find books with pictures and going on adventures the best way to help engage me into a subject. For instance, it was because of this oddly shaped rock at The Valley of Fire that looked like a tree stump, that made me realize that the petrified logs, that ancient forest is closer to the valley than they think may think.

It helped me read about the area. Brought me the excitement I needed, to push for myself to want to read the books with no pictures. We have to trick ourselves sometimes. It's silly but I cant do that, find that interest stuck in bed. I have to touch it. It has to be real or tangible.

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