Love when it first happens, is a beautiful feeling. Everything begins to look colourful and full of life. You smile more , you dream more and the lyrics finally begin to make sense.. You work on yourself to look the best for the person you love, you go out of your way to make them smile, you lie just to be with them. Love makes you do things you never thought were possible otherwise.
There are a few out there who feel this love till their last breath with the person who made their world go round. Then there are those who go through a heart break and find feeling these feelings for another.. But the unfortunate few are those who feel it, get mercilessly torn by it and trapped by it for life. the death they die is as painful as the life they live. These emotional fools get trapped in a manipulative abyss which no matter how much they try, they can’t get out of. To love and not get love in return is a devastating feeling. When you give your all to a person who doesn’t give anything in return, you start doubting the very existence of love.
When in a relationship of this nature, you will be made to feel that you are being given the most freedom and are acting completely ungrateful. But keeping a cage door open and asking the bird to fly while tying its feet to the bars is no freedom. Your self esteem and self confidence will be broken first. You will be made to feel worthless and good for nothing. You will be bought to a state where you feel you are completely helpless without your abuser.
You need to first tell yourself and accept the fact that you are being abused. You need to be strong, you need to get independent, you need to be happy. They are your rights and no matter who thinks otherwise, you deserve it. You are the maker of your destiny. Your rise and your fall should solely be in your hands and control. It will be difficult but remember the pain, the guilt and the turmoil won’t last for ever, as everything including life is a temporary affair.
We are often set up on this path by our parents my mother was like that and I in most cases I chose partners that emulated either part or all of her worst behaviours. I am in most regards successful , independent and strong and immensely capable. Except in my personal relationships where I relived my childhood patterns ad nauseam. If I dissect the whys it is simple a part of me, a subconscious part, is trying to recreate the dynamics with other participants to maybe come out victorious for once -as the relationship to my mother will never resolve itself. But it is literal insanity because my partners like my mother were weak self serving cruel children who do not have the strength to fight their own demons so they rather make others miserable to feel better.
And even though i knew all this I always ended up in the same situation so I did the only thing I could do. I stopped dating. There will never be another relationship for me I am done. I rather focus on other things I am good at. Is it lonely, yes sometimes it is but it is so much better than the alternative.
The abuse I speak of here is by our partners. But you are right when you say it starts of young. I have seen many cases in which one or both the parents are dominant. The control over the child continues all the way into adulthood and in some cases literally till one of the parent dies. Post this the person is completely lost, has terrible relationships and basically screwed for life. Your case is again another example. In my culture we are thought never ever to disrespect our parents. For the strong willed rebel, this is easy to get out of but for someone who is emotional, this is a real bad situation. We are emotionally blackmailed into doing everything, be it studies, marriage or even how many children we should have. More so to girls than boys. This invariably makes you feel worthless and incapable of taking decisions in life. Parents when they get us (girls) married, automatically hand over the reins of our lives to that of our partners and the control and abuse continues. That is unless you crack and one day decide to break free.
nods what i was saying was that often kids that are abused later choose partners that are just like their abusers. the parents lay the seed so to speak.