Photo by Karl Fredrickson on Unsplahed
So I am currently running a small book club on Whatsapp. Well, technically it two book clubs and also it is technically not a book club - book club. We are more like an elite group of people who suck at writing. Wait, I didn't say that. Lemme cancel that and start over.
We are a bunch of people who want to get better at writing.
This week we drew inspiration from the photo above to write a story. The rules were simple. Read below to decide for yourself.
For your next assignment...
drum roll
Write a story based on the picture below [in your case, above] starting with the sentence:
Of all the places in the world, I ended up in a church.
And this is what one of my book clubbers, currently not on steemit, came up with. No judging folks! She was literally forced to write this.
Of all the places in the world, I ended up in a church. "Are you in there? open the door for me..." was what followed after four loud knocks on the door. I headed for the door. It was Hasana my controversial Muslim friend looking all wet and frustrated.
She pushed me aside and offered herself a seat behind the door. "Where have you been, and how did the the rain beat you this way?". I asked as I closed the door behind me and went back to my bed.
With an angry face and shivering all over, she said " church". Looking at her with amazement, she asked if I have anything she could change into. I pointed at the wardrobe to her left and asked her to help herself.
What were you doing at the church? I asked with a sober voice. Hasana is a close friend of mine a met 2 years ago. She was born into an Islamic family and she has been a Muslim all her life. She would go to any extend to defend her religion when it mattered most to her.
When we first met, I was trying to make her see the importance and benefits of being a Christian and why she should be a Christian. She didn't like the idea and would say, " I will only enter a church when its raining and I have no other place to hide from the the" I would look into her face and simply say " so shall it be unto you my dear"
She changed into some dry clothing's and sat back in the chair. " Are you now ready to tell me what happened and how you of all people got into a church? "
Turning slowly to my side, she said " it was a set up".
Hasana begun to narrate the story of how he met Amed on a WhatsApp group page. He picked her number from the page and started chatting with her privately. He claimed he was a serious guy who wanted a serious relationship with her. Two months earlier, Hasana broke up with her troublesome boyfriend and decided to be alone for a while. It was at this time that this so called serious guy came along. To her, he sounded so convincing. " what at all did he tell you?" I interrupted as she begum to shed tears. I drew closer and pat her on the shoulder.. "I don't think I have the strength to tell you all what happened now but I promise I will. I know you want to know how I got to the church and that's exactly what I will tell you for now.
He asked that we a meet at new restaurant at the west side of the town to know each other better. I waited for him all day and was not showing up. I tried calling him but his phone was off. Looking at the clouds, I knew it could rain anytime soon so I decided to rush home, and unfortunately for me, it started raining in the middle of nowhere. I looked around to see if there was any shed I could hide but there was none.
So I kept walking in the rain till I saw the old church building you normally visit and decided to stay there till the rain was over. Happy?" She added.
I looked at her and referred her backs to her words as we hugged. THE END🙈
So...(I am a so person, alright?) I had to spend the next thirty minutes or so (sighs) editing it or more like inserting comments into it.
It is good to title all your work
Of all the places in the world, I (It was obviously Hasana who ended up in the church and not you.) ended up in a church. "Are you in there? open the door for me..." was what followed (To use 'was what followed', your readers should know what was happening before and since you couldn't have been in the church with Hasana you can say, 'I suddenly heard four loud knocks on my door.') after four loud knocks on the door. I headed for(headed for makes it sound as if the door was far away. It is wasn't 'went to' is more appropriate to use.) the door. It was Hasana my controversial Muslim friend (you should add ',she was') looking all wet and frustrated.
She pushed me aside and offered herself a seat behind the door. "Where have you been, and how did the the (delete 'the') rain beat you this way?" (Consider, 'and how did you get beaten by the rain?') I asked as I closed the door behind me and went back to my bed.
With an angry face and shivering all over (It is always nice to show rather than tell. For example to show that she is angry you can say, 'She furrowed her brows and pursed her lips.' and to show she is shivering you can say, 'She rubbed her hand over the other arm' or 'Her teeth chattered.'),she said " church". Looking at her with amazement, she (Since you do not initially say who is looking at who, this 'she' here makes it seem as if she was the one looking at herself!) asked if I have anything she could change into. I pointed at (replace 'at' with 'to'?. At can be used -- I think -- but you are directing her to the wardrobe so it will be a whole lot nicer to use -'to'.) the wardrobe to her left and asked her to help herself.
What were you doing at the church? (you forgot to put that in quotation.) I asked with a sober voice. Hasana is a close friend of mine a (Did you mean to say 'and we'?) met 2 (always better to spell out your numbers.) years ago. She was born into an Islamic family and she has been a Muslim all her life. She would go to any extend (Replace 'extend' with 'extent'.) to defend her religion when it mattered most to her.
When we first met, I was trying to make her see the importance and benefits of being a Christian and why she should be a Christian. She didn't like the idea and would say, "I will only enter a church when its raining and I have no other place to hide from the the" (from the rain?) I would look into her face and simply say " so (So) shall it be unto you my dear (.)"
She changed into some dry clothing's and sat back in the chair. " (delete space) Are you now ready to tell me what happened and how you of all people got into a church? "
Turning slowly to my side, she said " (delete space) it (It) was a set up". (full stop should come before the quotation mark)
Hasana begun to narrate the story of how he met Ahmed on a WhatsApp group page. He picked her number from the page and started chatting with her privately. He claimed he was a serious guy who wanted a serious relationship with her. Two months earlier (I think later will be more appropriate here), Hasana broke up (If it is earlier then you can say, 'Before that, Hasana had already broken up with... and had decided to...') with her troublesome boyfriend and decided to be alone for a while. It was at this time that this so called serious guy came along. To her, he sounded so convincing. " (delete space)what at all did he tell you?" I interrupted as she begum (begun) to shed tears. I drew closer and pat (patted) her on the shoulder.
"I don't think I have the strength to tell you all what (that) happened now but I promise I will. I know you want to know how I got to the church and that's exactly what I will tell you for now. He asked that we a meet at new restaurant at the west side of the town to know each other better. I waited for him all day and was not showing up. I tried calling him but his phone was off. Looking at the clouds, I knew it could rain anytime soon so I decided to rush home, and unfortunately for me, it started raining in the middle of nowhere. I looked around to see if there was any shed I could hide but there was none. So I kept walking in the rain till I saw the old church building you normally visit and decided to stay there till the rain was over. Happy?" She added. (You can intersperse the dialogue with some of her reactions)
I looked at her and referred her backs to her words as we hugged.
THE END🙈
The ending was a bit of a let down, and I told her that. Storywise, my thoughts are that it was generally fine. As I said, no one's a ten. Doesn't mean I (and all the lovely folks in my book club) do not strive to be a ten. I will like to hear your expert opinion on my edits. Did I miss something? No? Yes? Let me hear you in the comment section below.
And oh, before I forget... I learnt a lot about editing and generally improving my writing on the writers' block. They are on discord and from what I gather, they do not wear pants.
What? You also hate pants?
Head over to TWB now!
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very nice
Thanks @vivairan. I am glad you think so.
I think this is a great idea, is the book club still running?
Yes it is. Wanna join?