My Fear of Ostracism is one of the greatest fear that has been holding me back, from being me. For many, many years, perhaps since childhood, I've had this fear where whenever I speak up, 99.99% I'll get rejected for whatever I'm saying, so it's better to just shut up. When I shut up, I don't get rejected and I'll feel better.
Slowly, I began to own this self-belief - Behaving out of norm is Rejection, so be Mediocre that has been deep rooted in my very core.
I've come to know this fear of mine when I volunteered in one of the personal development seminar, coached by one of my friends. While he is coaching a participant to remove her fear, a question popped in my mind,
If I can remove one fear right now, what fear is that?
After 2 days, I knew it's fear of rejection and criticism - ostracism.
For me, the first step to remove fear is to face it. Two ways to do it, questioning and visualization.
I have done Questioning and I will show you.
1. How would I behave if I have conquered my fear of ostracism?
I will smile to everyone I meet.
I will say "Hi" to everyone I meet.
I will say out my opinion within the first 3 seconds.
I will be the first person to raise my hand and answer.
I will say "No" when it's a No.
I will will say "Wait" when you need to wait.
I will speak with full confidence.
I don't give a f*ck to what you say (judgements).
I will be am open to criticism.
I will be am transparent.
I will be am honest.
I will be am true to myself.
I will be am happy with who I am.
I will am love myself.
I will be am enough.
2. What my role model would do to conquer fear of ostracism?
My role model is Wonder Woman. Why? is another story left to be unfolded but not here. Right now, Wonder Woman would
- Face it head on
- March forward with confidence even if she's alone
- Believe that she is right
- Believe that she is for all mankind
- Ask for help from her trusted friends
- Believe that fear is just an illusion she created herself. And courage is one thing she always has.
3. What would I do?
Hmm, a good question. I want to do what Wonder Woman would do and it'll take time.
So I will do Small Daily Acts of Greatness (by Robin Sharma). From today onwards until day 30th, I devote into doing 1 small act every day for the next 30 days to remove my fear and do what Wonder Woman would do.
The small daily act is To tell myself this chant every single day. To feel and embody these beliefs.
My voice matters.
Be myself for I am enough.
It's not whether you like me or not, It's about I like you or not.
Do what I believe is right.
There are also some questions unanswered during the Teh Tarik Sundays session, I will answer them here.
4. What would be the worst thing could happen if you really lost your voice at the most important moment?
I will feel guilty, regret and seize being myself. I would've sink even deeper, to an abyss where I can no longer climb out and see hope. I would've shut myself and never spoken ever again.
5. Do you have any role models that you look up to in facing this fear?
Yes, Wonder Woman! Because she captivated me at first sight in the movie "Wonder Woman". Her confidence, resilience, compassion, unconditional love to mankind, strength and vulnerability made me wanted to be like her.
6. Who would you be if there was no one to judge?
The biggest judge of myself is me. If I don't judge myself any more I will behave like the real Tifa Ong, which I've never seen before. I will behave like what I've written on Question no. 1
7. What makes you open up eventually?
I realized this existence of this fear and noticed how it has been controlling me all these years. If I don't something different, I will be the same. And luckily, I've discovered "Writing" is my home. If my worries are gone after writing them down, could it be the same for my fears?
That's why I've decided to write it down, hoping that it'll be gone but in reality, it didn't. And miracles happened.
The more I write about my fear, the more I try to understand my fear, the more I want to know where it comes from, the more I want it begone. The fire in my grew. Because I have materialized it, into something I can see, words.
It's even more amazing when I'm surrounded by kind people, who supports me, who doesn't judge me, and accepts me. #teammalaysia is awesome!
8. So how do you overcome it?
Small Daily Act of Greatness. A small act executed consistently to the point of devotion for the next 30 days. I tell myself, feel and embody them,
My voice matters.
Be myself for I am enough.
It's not whether you like me or not, It's about I like you or not.
Do what I believe is right.
8 Powerful Questions, 1 Action, 30 Days
This is just the beginning of my transformation. It's gonna take a lot of effort, it's gonna be hard and so messed-up, but the end will be extremely beautiful.
@tifaong writes simple and positive practices and ideas that you can learn (or re-learn) and apply in your life immediately. She covers life lessons, self-help, relationships, and motivational contents. Her mission is to spread positivity so that we can live a happier, fulfilling life.
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Hi @tifaong, again, I have to say it takes courage to step out of your comfort zone, to become stronger. Fear paralyzes all of us, and if we let it, can hold us to our doom. I like that you've gone through those questions; those are powerful questions indeed, and looks like you have answered them honestly.
Like I mentioned the other night, writing is always a form of expression and extension of the soul; but putting our words out there, whether it's a public or private journal, the healing begins. All the best!
Thank you for re-affirming @maverickfoo. Answering those questions honestly without a care of judgements.
Making my fear public and saying that I will do something about it is a strong accountability for me. It's like a promise to myself as well.
A promise that I think you will keep :)
Wow I feel so honored and a little bit pressured (good pressure). Yes, it's a promise I want to keep.
Thank you @maverickfoo, you're like a motivational coach to me.
I'm actually very similar that way. I actually spent my primary school years in Chinese school where humiliation and shaming were the norm. Didn't help that I was a slow learner and that we didn't speak anything but English at home. Until today, I still find myself to be a door mat at times. That's why I really admire your courage to push yourself to be more. It can be terrifying thing.
Keep going, Tifa! Writing sure is your thing! Like Garyvee says, "Triple down on your strengths!"
Hey @branlee87, thank you for sharing. I noticed most of us starting to have these kind of fears and judgement when we start school. That just shows how screwed up our education and society is T_T
Worst is, no one teach us how to counter and get back up, we gotta learn it by ourselves, and some fell behind.
I hope I'm able to make myself a living example, so that you'll also seize being a door mat yourself because you chose to do so.
Writing is my thing! Steemit helped me confirmed it, heheeh Thank you for encouraging me! :)
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Hey, this is a wonderful follow up on those questions ! I love your grit and commitment to yourself .
You have taken the most courageous step, and wishing you a joyfuljourney of adventure and discovery.
And as Mave put it keep that writing and inner exploration going.
Hey @kchitrah, thank you so much for reading and encouraging words! Correct, writing is so magical and powerful! Still have a lot to explore the writing world!