Thought dump

Just some thoughts.

I want us to be relaxed enough that we can interrupt each other to say this thing or that little thing that doesn't matter very much, but occurred in the moment.

I am tired. Very tired. Tired in a way that's ok, but that leads to me being slightly more easily irritated by things that aren't irritating, like sounds or like feeling like I'm not doing enough or that I could be making people happier if I were doing something besides what I want to do when I'm this tired, which is not chores. Or something

I dunno. I think "i'm tired" probably covers enough of it.

I want to be around my family, but I also think I would feel more calm if I were not. That's not exactly it.

There's a balance between enjoying being around people I love and feeling a weight of expectations both from myself and from others when I am near people. Like, and this is a weird ambivalence, but, like, I am near my kid and I have, of myself, and I think from him, an expectation that I will listen and be interested in the game that he's playing, but I'm not, really. And I want to be near him and I'd be happy to be directly engaging with him, but if we're not doing something together (which is fine with me, too) I'd like to be able to fully focus on what I'm doing.

This is something that I'd be happier with if I weren't so tired. lack of sleep makes everyone less capable, and I should have made a different choice last night, and I should have, and I should always, and I'd like to encourage everyone to choose sleep over work. Like, get the extra sleep and work on it tomorrow. You'll be better at it if you're well-rested and everything will be better. I should take a nap. I don't feel like I can right now. Maybe at 4 I can? I dunno. That seems late for a nap. Now would be a good time. I could have slept in, but my body didn't let me. Ugh. I'm so sleepy. I'm going to close my eyes here for a few minutes.