For those following the eye sight dilemna, they know I had to spend a majority of my time looking at the floor. Although this has been rather frustrating, it has given me time to do more reflecting.
As usual the thoughts went to my ongoing struggle to stop isolating myself from others. As of late, the battle has been somewhat successful, but I still felt there was an answer missing.
Yeah, I mean I recognize the problem I have, but looking at it from a medical standpoint, is my addiction to isolation the disease, or just a symptom of underlying problem? After much thought I concluded today that it was a symptom of an underlying problem.
A great deal of my adult life has been careers in service. Much of my adult life up to this point was in the military service, afterwards a couple years working to serve customers as service manager, then as a civil servant.
I really enjoy being of service to others. Providing someone with something they need, or even want, and watching them succeed because of said services. Yes, it is somewhat self-serving in a sense to want to serve others so I can feel good about myself.
Let's rewind to when my struggle with isolation began. It was at a time made for the perfect storm. You see I was already working remotely half my time due to treatments, and other medical challenges for a couple years, then COVID hit, I experienced more medical challenges, and eventually retired early for medical reasons.
Now we start to get to where I was driving this train.
So today I am thinking about how much I hate going out because of my medical challenges and how some are easily apparent. I am not an old man by most definitions. However, when your are accused of being your wife's father, you know you don't look like a young sprite.
To me, caring around these handicaps and other older looking quirks is rather embarrassing. Really, it is. I mean, it seems like just yesterday I was running half-marathons, training for marathons, and doing other physically challenging feats. Now, I shuffle along with my cane like some nursing home patient.
I tell myself I come to grips with this, but I realize I have not. It weighs on me. It weighs on me to the point I do not want to be in public. It embarasses me to the point I do not want to associate with those who knew a younger healther Joe.
This in turn as led me to a point I have not been of service. I have not been getting the pleasure and fulfillment of seeing others succeed through my service.
So what comes next?
Not sure, but I appreciate you reading as I continue this journey and battling the demon.
More to follow.
Thanks,
Joe
Note: Image is my own, taken with iPhone SE
You have a good heart, and that is much more important than appearances. However, I can sympathize as I am up in years, too, probably a bit more than you, and I feel the weight of the age now, as well. Keep your heart glowing and maybe find a way to help/serve others via telephone or computer until you can work through the other issues. Blessings to you! 💜
Thank you @thekittygirl
You are an inspiration.
Hey Joe! I see you have disappeared again. Is everything okay?
Hey! So good to hear from you!
Yes, I am still battling with some physical, and mental, health challenges. It is spring now though and thinking I will have more inspiration to start writing again soon.
Thank you for reaching out, it was very meaningful to me.
I really hope you can sort things out and hope to see you soon. Wishing you all the best Joe and good luck with whatever you are dealing with!
Man, no matter what you are thinking, the world needs more you.
You can choose to suffer what once was but that just short changes what you can do today. Today is all that matters and it comes down to what you are going to do about it.
It is like physical activity. Routines come and go and breaks are needed. When you come back after a break, you wonder why you waited so long.
Be easy on yourself and just enjoy the moments challenging yourself. The world will be better for it and so will you.
Appreciate the advice. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.
Interesting. I hope you get it figured out. I've seen first hand how much medical issues can age a person. I have a few people close to me who went through something pretty big and it's like it took 20 years from them. Sorry, not to depress you even more. I'm just saying I understand what you are saying.
Yeah, that’s what people say about me. Like I’ve aged 20 years. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.
Very sorry about your health condition friend. Do well not to add depression to the current state. I know it's not easy but you've got to kick yourself out of it.
Appreciate your words. After my personal break through today, I think things may start looking up as I peel back even more layers.
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I can understand how you feel with not being able to be of service to others, compared to the past. At the same time it’s also not your choosing to not be of help to other as your health condition doesn’t permit you to be able to perform such task anymore.
In situations like this I think it’s best to focus on your own service and health because it’s only when we are in a good condition to help others than we can be able to help.
However if there are any other ways or opportunities to help and guide others who needs your assistance you can always try to do your best to help them. But I believe you don’t have to feel guilty or feel like your sense of purpose is solely attached to being of service to other. Maybe it’s time you be of service to your own self. I heard it liberating at times.
I think men once men get grey hair, that really ages us, especially if we follow current trends and grow a beard. A grey or white beard makes you look like a grandpa, no matter how smooth and young the skin under it looks. It's always amusing to me how when I grow a full beard people will call me grandpa, but when I go clean shaven, I'm back to oniisan half the time. I think that shows that people don't really look closely and just quickly use external clues to make a snap judgement about a person.
Anyway, I think your self exploration here is good. Keep doing it. As for service, is there a Boys & Girls club near you that you could volunteer at? Those kids always need help and a good role model. Or maybe help around shelving books or playing with kids at a local library?
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