Empty Seats

in Reflections4 months ago

A friend of mine from the neighborhood has got a new job in a butchery, so tonight he has picked up some of his wares and we will have a "boys night" grilling meat and drinking some red wine. Yep - red wine, not beer. Which I am very happy about, as I am not a big fan of beer. Drinking culture has changed a lot in Finland over the years, which is a good thing, because it was far from healthy earlier.

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It isn't a guys night by design, but a few of the wives are going to some concert or something, so my own wife chose to go to a crayfish party at her sister's place instead. I kind of would rather go there because these parties are very rare, but I committed to the barbecue before the other was on the cards. Finns have a habit of changing their decision if something better comes up, but I am not that flaky.

Both will have good food.

And, I think that the conversation is far more valuable with the neighbors, because firstly, they will speak in English with me for the most part, unlike my wife's family. And then of course, men tend to have different conversations when they are in a group - not about what women think men talk about - mostly work stuff, investing, perhaps some politics. Also, various health issues, how people are feeling.

Normal stuff.

I have never really understood the stereotype of men only talking about women and cars, because that hasn't been my experience in life at all. I have heard some guys trying to have those conversations, but it comes across as forced, like a parody of a man, a caricature based on some outdated book written about how men behave. And, it doesn't resonate at all with me, nor with the audiences I have observed it happening within.

I think a lot of people seem to get their understanding of others through media these days, without actually having much interaction with real people. I guess it is due to living life through screens, instead of over the table, face to face. There is a disconnection between what people think they know and the actual experience. But of course, many of those experiences are never had, so that means people act on what they think they know.

That is confusing.

But, perhaps you get the point anyway. I just think that pretty much everything we find important in this life, is out of balance and as complication increases, the ability to deal with it decreases, driven by a reduction in our individual abilities also. As far as I have observed, not many people seem to be getting better at interacting with other people, and this is especially true in the younger generations. I think it is going to be a very weird world in a couple decades from now.

But, it all starts somewhere, doesn't it? Results are the outcome of the journey taken, and the path we are following doesn't seem to be leading the majority of us to a life of health, wealth, or happiness. Perhaps it is because we have so many choices now, that no matter what we have in front of us, when we choose one, we are hyper aware of what we are missing out on also. Maybe this is also driven by the constant media notifications that draw our attention, and tell us what we don't have.

Grilled meat or crayfish?

Both are good.

Taraz
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Besides the hardware store, I think the butcher shop is my favorite store. I could spend hours and hundreds of dollars in there! I bet you are going to have some really amazing food!

Besides the hardware store

ha ha!! Is this a guys thing? It's the same for a few of my brother in laws. It's like when you have to set up security Q&A and they ask you what is your favorite store, I know what their answer will be!

I'm not sure. Could be! We are just drawn to them. Radio Shack too if it were still around!

What would your favorite store be?

Mine? Definitely not one that sells clothes. Probably one that sells craft and hobby stuff, or stationery.

Yours?

Just got home and it was really good! First time having a tomahawk steak and also horse tenderloin. Both grilled on a charcoal-fired grill.

And plenty of red wine :)

Horse you say... I'm not so sure about that... The tomahawk sounds amazing though!

Did your wife invite the friend of yours who is boisterous and mad she never gets invited to crayfish parties? :D

The women and cars conversation happened a few times when we were a lot younger but these days it’s much more along the lines of the conversations you named, health, investing etc. Hopefully you have a good time hanging with some dudes!

Did your wife invite the friend of yours who is boisterous and mad she never gets invited to crayfish parties? :D

Definitely not! My wife doesn't like her much - and then that same girl spilled red wine on my wife at a wedding :D

It was fun. Not too much investing and health talk, but a lot of world and music conversation tonight :)

Oh man that's a big wedding faux pas! Lol

Ah that's good, gotta have the fun conversations like that!

I think what contributes to some of the disconnectedness and symptoms of that we are seeing is that people legitimately see the internet, like Reddit or even Hive, as real connections to on with other people. These echo chambers of impulse, unchecked truths and consequenceless “conversation” becoming the social layer of lives and the place to “do you research”

I have had people who barely leave their apartments only for heads-down errands, tell me I am out of touch with the real world on things like relationships. Waitasec you are single, not dating, and haven’t left your apartment but to grab food and visit me, and you know these things? Yes. The world is talking about it on Reddit.

Okay then wanna go out and enjoy some music with some friends? NOTHANKS!

So this is how many people interact with each other and think they are as connected yes as before the internet…even more so.

Maybe people are getting worse at it and you are also getting better because you continue to practice!

I have had people who barely leave their apartments only for heads-down errands, tell me I am out of touch with the real world on things like relationships.

And it isn't of course only about relationships, it is on everything.

I love wine too, especially when in a gathering. My taking of beer is in most cases alone in my home.

Do enjoy your evening to the fullest

You drink beer alone? I thought it was for more social occasions?

I was recently out drinking with friends. We remembered our childhood, school years, talked about work and politics. But for some reason we didn’t remember women at all. Maybe it's because of our age :)

One friend said tonight "I have been married for ten years, I don't have sex that often anyway"

Finns have a habit of changing their decision if something better comes up

I hate it when people do that. Like when you invite someone to dinner or go somewhere, they're very non committal because they want to see if something better comes up. It's like you become they're second choice, they're only joining you because there's nothing better on 😡

I hate it too. Flakey people annoy me, especially when I have changed my plans to accommodate them.

If I didn't know my friends in real life, I would absolutely think about them different due to the their behaviours, shares on social media. Perhaps, they have changed, but I don't know :)

I wonder if there is more difference between meeting someone known online first, or seeing their online posts after?

Certainly grilled meat, i was literally laughing at sound of that *crayfish party?😄👍 really?......

Yah these generation is loosing with social media and devices, people no longer seat and talk or have normal conversation like it ought to be, instaed we re glued to our phones which is abnormal

Have you ever calculated how much time you spend in front of a screen?

Lol...not really tho, buh i dont spend much cause i spend half of my day at work and few hours on screen when i'm back then rest a bit and the circle repeats again ....

Buh i will look to implement the norms in my family...less of screen time and more of family time 🍺

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Grilled meat all the way so let me just assume that you are the one who enjoyed the more😅😅
Have a good weekend!

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Is it not possible to go to both; both sounds delicious haha. But if I had to choose, I'd go with the grilled meat. I'm not a big fan of wine though, and would prefer whisky. I think the stereotype was based on high school or college frat parties. Or maybe I'm stereotyping those as well.

Most of my conversations with other men start with, "Hey. You know what'd be cool..."

So much more engaging and enjoyable to discuss concepts, than events or people.