I don't know why, but I have known quite a few murderers in my life. these people haven't been friends, but a few have been acquaintances, and one was a childhood enemy. And tonight, I found out from my wife that there is another name to go onto the list, as this morning a guy shot his girlfriend and then himself. She lives at the moment, so the name on the list is only pencilled in.
Murder-suicide seems to be getting more common and I reckon it is going to rise further in the coming years, as more and more people (especially men) struggle with managing their emotions, and have inadequate tools to deal with an increasingly volatile life experience. Essentially society is failing. And society is failing, because we are failing as humans. And as a result, acts of violence increase.
It is sadly predictable.
Violence isn't new to humanity, but I think it should be considered a measure in how far we have risen, or how far we have fallen. If we compare ourselves to a couple thousands years ago, all is pretty decent. But if we compare ourselves to a decade or two ago, things aren't as rosy. For instance we can say that murder rates have come down, but at the same time, murder-suicides have increased. What does this say? We can also say that compared to a long time ago domestic violence is nowhere near as bad today as it was, but it is also increasing now.
As a measure of humanity, are we getting better?
And while murder-suicide and even domestic violence are extreme examples, what it indicates is a shift in the normal distribution toward increasing violence. The curve is moving in the wrong direction and the "new normal" is one where violence among normal people, is increasing. And it is showing in other demographics also, where in many countries, youth crime is increasing steadily, and that crime is surprise, surprise - getting more violent.
Yet, most people believe that they are outside of the normal, that they themselves would never resort to violence themselves, without realising that the majority of the people that did resort to violence, once believed the same thing about themselves. The "I would never" is generally said when one isn't under the various pressure factors that would make it possible, and the conditions are changing.
The average doesn't have to shift very much, to push those on the edge over into the extremes. And the more that happens, the more it will happen, as with each cycle the middle moves further toward an extreme. And unfortunately, it isn't in the direction of love, it is heading the other way.
But, if we want change, we have to be the change. And to be the change that doesn't lead to an increasing level of violence, we have to tend to ourselves, and actively move in the other direction with intention. We have to make sure that we are in control of ourselves, and fortify against losing control. We need to ensure that,
we don't get triggered.
But getting triggered seems to be one of the joys in life for many these days, with especially the younger generations "forced to react" to anything that makes them feel slightly uncomfortable, or goes against their often misplaced beliefs. And then, the media amplifies it, and sets up polarising dialogue in order to cash in on the emotional clickbait they create. And we keep buying into it, because let's face it, most people have pretty shitty social relationships, and carry a lot of emotional baggage around from the past. And it all mounts up, with cost of living pressures, employment pressures, loneliness, depression, and a lack of meaning; And people snap.
Are you a future snapper?
How do you know?
Taraz
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How do you know this? We are sold a great many illusions. I wonder if this is one of them. Until this moment, I would have said the same thing, but it's not righing true to me now.
Just a guess, but it might well be lower now. Isn’t per capita alcohol consumption lower now than it was a generation or three ago?
Alcohol consumption has fallen off a cliff here - violence is still increasing.
What are the rents like there? Here people are losing their places to live left and right without any means to afford the escalating rents. Investors come in, buy up the housing, evict the tenants, rehab the place and rent it out for three, four times the prior rent. I just got a new puppy so I am back to walking around the park a couple times a day. It's really sad to see some of these people with nowhere to go, everything they own in a bag on their backs. Our city, last year, passed an ordinance that homeless people couldn't have more than they could carry on streets, trying to stop them from plopping down in front of businesses with tons of stuff. Now the police can confiscate their stuff if they have nowhere else to put it. Some just walk around the park talking to themselves. It's been almost a couple years since I had a dog so it's been awhile for a close up look at whose around the park. On one hand, I am like, this is nice how they've cleaned up a lot of the housing, especially the couple of crack houses around the corner, on the other hand, I am shocked at how bad it's gotten to find housing.
The last few years, the closest I've come to seeing it, was a guy who lives out of his van down by the river, and an old lady living in a van with someone I am assuming may be her son. For the last three years they show up down at the river and sit in that van all day. Just before the bathroom closes, she gets out, all slumped forward, like her body has become part of her sitting position permanently, heads in to the bathroom for last call before they leave the park to park outside the park on the street. Our city has a no camping in the parks policy. You aren't suppose to be there after dark either but if it's in the homeless hangout park downtown, they generally leave them alone unless they try and erect tents or cardboard boxes to sleep in.
Homelessness is by choice here and is worse in the summer. Part of the thing with the Nordic systems is that while taxes are high, basic protection for people is pretty good, including healthcare. The problems here, like in many places, are self-inflicted more than anything else.
From direct experience. I can only look at that from Finland, but it has increased rapidly in many areas, including domestic violence. It has always been an issue here, but it has been pushing more into the realm of murder-suicide in the last decade or so. This isn't the first case "close" to me - it is the third in the last 5 years.
Then there are the stabbings on the streets and at parties with kids in their mid teens. The pile of drug addicts in the centre that didn't exist two decades ago. The number of rapes which unfortunately, is again close to me, with multiple friends.
It isn't the news that gives me this view.
When I turned sixteen some friends got some beers and we headed up top a hill in the neighborhood to drink it, rather quiet, desolate area at night but within the public realm. We weren't there long when the cops showed up, some managed to run and get away. Fortunately we also had some pop in the vehicle and managed to convince the cops we had just came up for a few minutes to gather for my birthday and have a couple pops. The moral of that story is, back than there wasn't much you could get away with, it's like the cops had all the time in the world to chase young kids around. Fast forward to today, and there's what they call "meet ups" where groups of people show up at a meet up point to rev cars, do burnouts, and race. This last weekend they shut down our major highway through town, even worse, where it intersects to switch north/south/east/west through town. No one was caught and the highway was scared full of tread marks. After they got done with that evening thrill and evading the cops, they went out to a local mall parking lot, was doing the same thing, and someone ended up getting shot. As far as I know, unlike one last year, the person survived but it goes to show how much more people get away with now compared to years ago.
If I had to take a guess why, it might be there are consequences now for domestic abuse upon partners. Back in the day, I mean really back, like before women's rights,when a man was married to a women, there wasn't any laws against a married man abusing his wife, and there wasn't much law enforcement could do about it. Divorces also were hard to achieve back than. As far as increase in murder/suicide, some men just can't let go, though it's not the only reason, back when I was younger, in grade schools, there were a couple of times a man took out his entire family, both times to financial constraints. Again, back than, women still hadn't obtained total rights to employment, I am just guessing, but maybe they thought their wife and children wouldn't survive with or without them. Today it's just totally different and there are organizations that even help women escape abusive situations.
It's so difficult to really know anything from statistics. In years gone by, I assume it was far more common for the local sheriff to write up murder/suicides as accidents (for the sake of extended family honour etc).
Do you include the guy in his 90's, who's wife has very late stage cancer stirring something into the teapot and making sure they go out together?
Statistically that's an extremely violent act.
A friend of mine worked as a prison guard for many years and told me that drug dealers, arsonists and thieves look like drug dealers, arsonists and thieves; but murderers just look like normal, regular people. Maybe the professional murderers are better at not getting caught.
I'm personally more comfortable with the idea of killing somebody than I've been in the past. Maybe that's being a Dad; but if somebody's clearly abusing their existence privileges and represents a clear, even distant threat to my family I don't think I'd feel much trauma or regret storing them underground for safe keeping.
On the flipside, I'm far less likely than ever to just snap and kill somebody in anger.
Finland has always had a high suicide rate, to the point it is a cultural meme. However, over the last decades, it has shifted toward murder-suicide too. The suicide was loneliness - the murder-suicide is "passion" - it isn't passion of course, it is an inability to control negative emotions due to unmet expectations.
I think this is because you have clear values that you have thought upon and live by. Do you think that is the same for most people? Most have lip-service at best, but I reckon most are on autopilot and that means, the default is what they have been conditioned to do - which is get triggered and show their emotions unreservedly.
I don't get the murder suicide thing. It seems like a wuss way out. Either own your actions or just do yourself in. Why you gotta involve someone else?
For sure.
My wife's friend at school was killed by her father in front of the mother, but let the mother live. So much of what people do is in some kind of misguided revenge. It is pathetic.
There is no need to kill a girlfriend, you can simply break up. In marriage it is not as simple and way more expensive, but still divorce is a much better option than murder.
I don't get why people snap like that...
Emotional mismanagement. We have been taught to "show our emotions", without first learning how to manage them. We are like babies throwing tantrums.
The rate at which moral decadence is spreading in society today is honestly alarming. It touches almost every part of our lives; from relationships to how we treat strangers. Things that were once seen as shameful or completely unacceptable now happen daily, and sadly, we often call it civilization or freedom.
I recently made a post about how many couples are facing serious issues, not because love isn't there, but because they haven’t learned to manage themselves emotionally. The truth is that emotional maturity is disappearing. People are quick to react as they often slow to reflect and even slower to take responsibility for their actions.
In addition, pressure from work, the economy, loneliness, and the constant noise from social media. We’re losing the very things that used to keep us grounded: values, patience, community, and a sense of right and wrong, and it's shameful.
And still people expect freedom from consequence. We are seeing the consequences of our choices as a society play out now.
It is what drives media and corporate profits.
Domestic violence hadn't really changed for decades affecting one in three women. In the past year, we've seen a worsening situation in schools in the UK with 70% of teachers reporting an increase in sexism including boys and young men barking at women teachers.
The Guardian: Teachers warn of rise in misogyny and racism in UK schools
It is a symptom of the downward spiral. Violence against girls is increasing.
I could see myself losing the will to live if I was paralysed or something like that. I am not sure if I would actually dare to kill myself. But I guess if I would be paralyzed I would not even have that option.
The interesting thing about paralysed people, is that they often end up with a greater will to live and make a better life, than those who have all the ability.
This post is painful and honest in a distinctive way.
It's hard to ignore this truth: many people live on the edge, and some don’t know how to cope with pain, so they explode in tragic ways.
I think that there is not much we can do, except learn to take responsibility for ourselves, and our children.
It's just selfish greed, well, maybe you can't call it totally that, but when people are responding back to you if what you are renting your place out for is to hard to believe they are asking if that's just for one of the bedrooms, if it is, is the utilities included in that. When I say maybe you can't totally call it that, it hasn't escaped me that a lot of these in debt blue cities are trying to transform the landscape. Trying to get rid of the really dirt poor and rebuilding to entice upper to medium range individuals. Once in awhile they'll do a deal with a developer to include what they call low/medium income apartments with a mix of high end, or visa versa, they have different entrances, I call them cootie doors.
Society is falling, relationship is falling, understanding and tolerance to each other is falling; everything has been material and showoff. It has become difficult to have a clean-living.
Clean living today seems to be disconnection from anything that makes us human, because we can't deal with actual life.
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