Incopable

So many of the recommendations we have on ho to live our life these days, is about what we can do for ourselves, what actions we can take. We are made to believe that "we can do anything" and if we don't, then it is our failure. And on the other side, whenever we do fail, we are told that it is because we are victims, that it isn't our fault, that we should be upset, scream and shout, cry, get depressed and lash out.

But, what is far less advertised is not what we do, but how we react. Because the fact is, the vast majority of things we experience are outside of our control. So, how we react to these things is going to dictate how we feel about our lives. If we feel that we are the ones that are meant to be in control of everything, we are going to feel like a failure. If we believe that we have no power over events at all, we are going to feel victimized. And, I think that part of the reason that so many of us are "suffering" with a lot of mental issues, is that we haven't built up resilience in how to cope with all the things that we don't have control over.

I was talking with a friend today about patience and how little we have these days because of on-demand services for everything. People can't spend five minutes to walk to a restaurant to pick up their lunch, they have it delivered to their door. They can't wait for next week to watch a program, they binge a season in a night. And, while I feel it too, I at least have the perspective (as does he) of not living in this kind of service world.

It used to take five minutes for an image to load on the internet at times, and there were no streaming services.

It is actually going to be interesting, because apparently most of the streaming services are going to start having adverts before, after and during streams. Their whole model was that we would pay in order not to see the ads, but now we are addicted to having it on-demand, they are going to make us pay for what we used to get for free.

How are impatient people going to cope?

They will pay more to get into an ad-less tier.

Coping mechanisms

an adaptation to environmental stress that is based on conscious or unconscious choice and that enhances control over behavior or gives psychological comfort.

But the coping mechanism for discomfort today is actually a defense mechanism, which is avoidance of the discomfort. Rather than learning how to deal with the source of discomfort, we will look to avoid it altogether, burying our faces even deeper into screens. And, because from a young age there are so many ways to escape discomforts, we aren't getting the experiences necessary to not only build the resilience, but also develop the neural pathways for being able to self-manage.

It is no wonder that trigger reactions are so volatile.

Our reactions matter. Yet, we spend a lot of time working on our actions, as if they aren't going to cause reactions that we are going to have to face also. Again, it is no wonder that people act so entitled these days, because they also feel that their shouldn't be any negative consequences for their behavior. They act in their own self interest in ways that affect others, without any regard for the others. And then are genuinely surprised when the affected, who are also acting in their own self-interest, react badly.

It is a race to the bottom of human behavior.

We don't have any control over how other are actually going to react, but we can predict and influence the outcomes by considering how they might. However, if we continually have to tiptoe around the broken minds of so much of society, we are going to get weaker and weaker, having continuously less discomfort, which lowers the bar for what makes us uncomfortable.

And while we don't have control over other's reactions, we do have the opportunity to control our own. Over the years, I have been ridiculed for even suggesting that people should learn to control their emotions, because so many people have bought into the convenient idea of showing them, regardless of whether they are valid, or regardless of whether their emotional outbursts affect others. It is impressive how humans can justify bad behavior, because it is easier.

It is always easier not to learn.

Until it gets harder, because we haven't learned enough.

It takes too much time to observe, investigate, learn, practice and make habit all the different skills that make a good life. So, it is far more common just to learn nothing and blame the world for a bad life. The stress is caused by too much work, not because of poor self-management skills. The financial hardship is caused by the rich, not because no investigation or investments were made into wealth development. The loneliness is because there aren't any suitable people we want, not because we are not a suitable person.

The reason we can't cope in life, is always someone else's fault.

How slowly we learn.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]