I have a rare skill. Perhaps a singular skill, the only one with the ability in the world. If scarcity connotes value, then I might have one of the rarest resources in the world. It should mean that I am able to leverage it, sell it, make a million dollars, a billion - the problem is that in order for something to really be valuable, it has to be tradeable, it has to be transferrable in some way, applied to something. I haven't found a way to do that with this skill.
I can clear my mind in an instant.
What good is that?
This is the only "gift" the stroke gave me three years ago, and it is pretty useless. Because I have largely lost the ability to automate the visualization process in my brain, every thing I want to "see", I have to build manually from the various pieces I have available in my awareness. It is an active process, and a deeply flawed process, because if I am missing a piece, there is no way for me to get the feeling that it is missing. Not only that, it is highly energy intensive, so "thinking" take a mountain of work for me.
But I can switch off.
The ability to make my mind blank, just by "doing nothing" with my brain, allows me to just go blank, be thoughtless. And while most people would love to be able to do the same on command, it is not all it is cracked up to be. The opportunity to avoid anything and everything is always present. It is like always being able to mentally be on the couch, rather than get up and do something that you know is going to be hard, but not be overly valuable.
But, there is no rest in that blank space, as there is no recovery going on. All it seems to save is the energy usage, but there is no relaxation, no benefit. If anything, it is more stressful, because it just puts everything on hold, but the rest of life keeps moving forward, keeps progressing, and when I activate again, I am even further behind.
What shitty superpower.
The only real benefit is that if someone is being a dick, or talking about something I don't want to listen to, I am able to just tune it out, shut it out, become still - feel nothing, because I hear nothing. But again, this comes with the problem that we are made to feel uncomfortable by things that challenge us, even if they are things we would benefit from. And until it is heard and reflected upon, our brain doesn't know if there is value or not.
People spend copious amounts of money going to see some guru at an ashram in India to learn how to clear their mind, find inner peace. Or they spend even more to go to do it in Los Angeles. Yet, do they really understand what they are doing, what they are seeking, what peace they want?
I can be "at peace" in an instant and pay zero attention to the outside world, but what good does that do me? What good does it do anybody else? What is the point of being able to do be content doing nothing, and where is the value of life in that? People are born, they have eighty-odd years on this earth, and they spend that time looking for ways to do nothing?
It is ridiculous.
I have a scarcity mindset, whether it be through nature or the largely unnurtured childhood I had. But, I now also have a brain that is scarce, that is unique, that has an ability that very few people are able to accomplish, even after years of practice. Yet, even as you read this, and there will likely be people who will believe they can do similar, I would posit that they are full of shit, like the people who think they know what heaven is like.
The only lesson that being able to switch my thinking off has given me, is that I more strongly believe that I have to think more. Even though it is energy intensive, even though it is fractured and degraded, even though I am unable to think they way I could earlier, and even though my thoughts might not be worth much to anyone at all.
We live in a world of streams of content, eternal consumption, but how many are developing through it, how many are diving into it at depth, looking at what actually matters in this world, and how many are consuming mindlessly, thoughtlessly? People often talk about "buying experience" - but what good is experience unapplied to something that matters?
Is living thoughtlessly, living at all?
Scarce as it is, I don't have a mind of gold.
I am not sure if I have a mind at all.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Many times I would like to live for certain moments without thinking, many times I overthink some things so much that they stress me out. He is not wise who has a lot of knowledge but he who applies what he has learned in his life.
I used to overthink things a lot tot he point that I could barely sleep when I put my head down. What I discovered was that I wasn't thinking enough of value during the day and once I started writing a lot daily, I started sleeping very well indeed.
You think, therefore you have a brain!
Your posts about your new mind are always mind-blowing.
Here's a few quick thoughts:
Is your absence of underlying thoughts not a blessing? One that folks spend a great deal of time trying to achieve? Those few times I have tried to meditate, I have always been shocked by the types of thoughts that go, unbidden, through my brain. I wonder if those are going all the time, underlying and influencing my more deliberate reason.
When one hears voices, might those not be those underlying thoughts having gotten louder? (sorry about the weird verb tenses. I do that when I'm thinking hard)
You've made me want to meditate, to better acquaint myself with my underlying thoughts to that, when I'm trying to consciously puzzle something out, those underlying and less desirable thoughts are not guiding me to erroneous conclusions. Hm.
Do you now come to conclusions that are different from those of your pre-stroke brain's?
This is fascinating. You've been given (the hard way) something that yogis spend lifetimes trying to receive.
I have a brain - but if it doesn't do much, does it count? :D
I assume so. I think that "clearing the mind" is more about cutting out the noise so we can see what is there beneath - but there is always something right?
I think there is room for those underlying thoughts to undermine us, influence us outside of our awareness, and trick us into thinking that it is right, because it feels right.
Yes, but not in a good way. Normally, our unconscious awareness makes us somewhat aware of what we don't explicitly see. My unconscious doesn't do much of that, so I only get to work with what I already know and can recall. It is very limiting.
Maybe it is the easy way! Perhaps, if those yogis had this skill, they wouldn't want it for long.
For you, it's default. For them, I imagine they could turn it off and on. I'm not sure I would like having that kind of control over my thoughts
I think a positive thing about this is, you shouldn't have problems sleeping. A lot of people can't sleep easily because they think of too many things before going to bed. You can just switch off and sleep soundly. Maybe this can help you with work by letting you focus on one task at hand at a time.
I used to sleep poorly, but I worked out it was down to me not using my brain enough. Since I started writing a lot, I have slept excellently, because I get those thoughts out, or I make my brain work. Lately, I haven't been able to write as much as I would like, and my sleep is again suffering.
I can switch my brain off, but as soon as it is on again, it knows that I didn't work hard enough.
Oh, that's interesting. At least your brain makes you write more. Mine has like a permanent writer's block. I need a lot of effort to write long posts. Comments on the other hand seem to be fair game.
I can imagine that would be hard not to visualize stuff. If that is the cost of being able to clear your mind, I say no thank you. I'd rather find my peace in the outdoors. Some of my favorite times camping are when I just sit i my chair and take a nap in the middle of the day out under the awning.
Outdoor naps are amazing! We don't have a terrace or anything outside yet, but I am planning on having a nice nap area one day :)
I can't wait to see you post about it when it comes to be!
It all depends on funds :)
Story of my life my friend!
In a way it still better than my ability to make art. At least yours doesn't take much space. Meanwhile I still have a mountain(20+) unsold pieces...and I am making even more. I think that I am on my way of becoming a
hoardercollector.Can collector collect his own works?Do you sell any in galleries or on those web art houses?
a gallery has sold 1 piece a while ago.
This is a first time I heard of this.
Really?
I wish I’ve got the skill of clearing my mind in an instant too. It will be so nice. There are so many things that I’m still finding hard to clear from my mind
Perhaps rather than trying to avoid them, dive deeply into them and solve the issues - then once solved, the mind just lets it go.
Recognizing this loss since the stroke is not something anyone could comment about not having endured it themselves.
Blank spots in our life, or 'switching off' are scary, sometimes an almost automatic reaction to either a person blabbing all knowing, or no interest in conversation at all.
Should I be fortunate enough to make eighty I hope it is always questioning, learning, not being afraid to ask, which most times I try figure things out for myself, wasting loads of precious time!
Exactly. I find it very hard to maintain interest in anything, as I have "the option" not to listen to whatever I want. There is a huge risk of siloing myself.
I hope that whatever age you live to, you approach life that way :)
Being made aware of it in my late teens I try curtail, although cannot promise to avoid always.
Searching, delving deep for truth by reading extensively into matters of interest has been a lifelong drive, alas we are human with many faults.
Skills and ideas are great but if we can't get it to transfer the value for others, it won't be appreciated and it won't yield income