Reading Proust in the Sauna: On True Empathy

I've begun to look forward to these sauna sessions and the pouring out of my thoughts afterward into these little blogs. I've even started taking in a pencil to scribble ideas in the margins and underline phrases to share with you.

I must look something frightful, sitting there all sweaty in a towel while studying my worn copy of Proust. It's worth it, though!

On page 58 we get: "Mamma was the first person who had given her the heart-warming feeling that her peasant existence, with its simple joys and sorrows, might be an object of interest, might be a source of grief or pleasure to someone other than herself."

What's interesting about this experiment of Proust in the sauna is that the sentences that jump out at me are so dependent on things outside my control. On a different day, in a different mood, maybe I'd miss this and be struck by something else.

But today, this hit me hard for some reason. It got me thinking about how this sentiment is almost the mark of transitioning to adulthood. As children, the world revolves around us. It's almost inconceivable that others aren't completely wrapped up in whatever it is we are doing.

Parents take us places. Teachers tend to us. We cry and someone rushes over to make it better. We're hungry and someone gives us a meal.

Then we hit adulthood, and all our psychological fears set in. Will I be alone forever? Will anyone else even notice me? If they do notice, will they care?

Becoming an adult is marked by the realization that everyone else is off living their own lives. Its a minor miracle for others to take a real interest in our lives. We're all too busy.

When was the last time you showed real empathy for someone struggling? I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's been a long time for me. This act of reaching out, showing an interest, and even demonstrating that it matters to you can be a life-changing event for someone.

It's how real friendships are formed. It's how people fall in love. But if you have a life-partner and your friends haven't changed for years, it's very easy to fall into the pattern where we don't look for these opportunities anymore.

That doesn't mean there aren't people out there who need this. There are always people without friends or lovers, especially in this time of a pandemic.

Let's make a pact. As things open up and get safer, let's find someone who needs to be heard and just listen. We won't try to make it about us. We won't interrupt with our own stories. We'll truly and deeply care about what's going on with them and let them know it.

Who knows: maybe like in Proust, it will be their first time experiencing this.