How do i fall in love with him although he seems so fictional/a letter to my lover

Do you know how i fell in love with you. I tried as hard as i can not fall in love because i was afraid what if this love ruin me, what if i dig deep well of my emotions and you come and have a bucket of water and then left. What if i invest myself whole heartedly and you decide to go away. So i tried my best not to fall in love. But then again all of the little things you do for me makes me fall in love with you in so many ways. I thought i could really be a good friend and can not be a person who will fall in love head over heels. I was cold before you came into my life. I didn't trust anybody around me even my close friends but then you came like a tornado breaking all the metallic barriers of my soul that i had built for protecting my being from people who were not trustworthy or worthy of my love. whenever i feel exhausted you always tried your best to cherish me. Yet i was ignoring your sole existence in my life saying we are just friends.

| To some extend i also believed that we are just friends and i know you said we will be ok, but you know ,i know it's not true.

I am afraid if i love you with all my strength i will be selfishly want you knowing the fact that your life is already occupied with lots of responsibilities. You say you love me the most but truly are you sure. You have become my muse, that muse which come to every writer in order to inspire them to write biggest, greatest, and unique piece of writings like novels, plays, trilogies, epics, poetry.

I didn't love anyone before, nor do i know how it's like to have someone in your life. I thought i can control my emotions which i usually do but again there are moments when i want to break free from those boulders .When you ask me politely to have a cup of coffee with you, but then again all the insecurities jolted my soul, my mind says don't drag your self rather than focus on your dreams , you don't have time for this specially when you know he is fictional. Now there is constant tussle between my heart and mind. And i heard people kneel down in front of their heart but then again i know how my brain can overtake my heart. Lets say i fall in love dramatically. 😇you are like those fictinal character of Jane Austen and Shakespeare who do everything for their girl but yet failed to hold their hands. I wonder what it's like to be real characters who are able to love, care, cherish, sense each other without any negative and emotions of guilt attached.

**That's how i feel now tell me am i in love? **