Mike walks into the university campus, and he is captivated by the tall and magnificent buildings. He has never seen so many tall buildings in one place. He stands by a lawn and scans through the Campus. " I am going to make the best of this opportunity I have.
Mike is the only child of his parents, he has never been away from his parents. Mike walks into the hostel; he scans the hallway and sees his room just by the entrance to the hostel. Mike knocks on the door to his room. "Good morning" Mike greets the young man at the door. "Good morning, I'm Dave. We have been waiting for you". Mike walks into the room and his other roommates welcome him. Dave introduces Fred and Jordan to Mike. Mike shakes his head, saying, "I love this room".
Dave points Mike to his bed space. "You will sleep by the door." Mike looks at the bed, turns around, and says, "Jordan, I would love to have the bed space by the window. " Jordan looks confused. "Mike, you are the last person to arrive, and I feel you should settle in first; then we can talk about the bed space." Mike smiles and says "I will have the bed space by the window". Mike drops his bag and walks out of the room.
Dave, Fred, and Jordan gather in the middle of the room. They all look perplexed, and they stare at each other for some minutes. Dave claps his hands. "Guy, I think we should just let him have the bed by the window". Jordan smiles, saying, "You guys know I was the first person in the room; let's not enhance his bad attitude." Fred lifts his hand. I agree with Dave. Let him have the bed.
Mike is standing by the door, smiles, and shakes his head. He has been able to rattle them. Jordan agrees with Fred and Dave. "I will do this for peace reign," says Jordan.
It's 8 p.m. Mike walks into the room walks to Jordan, and says, " I was hoping you would not give the bed by the window; I would have made this room unbearable for you. " Jordan looks at Mike and walks away. Fred and Dave are confused about what is going on.
Dave folds his hands behind his back and asks, "Do you guys know yourselves from somewhere?" Jordan shakes his head and walks away.
It's 4 a.m., and loud music is playing from the music player by Mike's bed. Everyone in the room wakes up and finds Mike dancing. "Mike, please put on your headphones," Fred pleaded. Jordan "gets up from his bed and turns down the volume of the music player. "Why did you touch my property?" Mike screams. Jordan replies "You call that a property? My friend you need to grow up". Dave sits on his bed holding his head in his hands. He begins to imagine how he ended up in room 5.
The sun smiles and Dave calls everyone in room 5 for a meeting. He stands and says, "We have to set some rules in this room; what happened earlier today is something I wish could have been avoided. So I would love us to set some rules in this room; no loud music in the room, everyone should dispose of their waste every day, by 11p.m the door should be locked and finally, we should all live as brothers.
Mike laughs and rolls on the floor, they are all shocked by his behavior. "Who made you the leader of this room" Mike says as he lays on the floor laughing.
"No one can tell me what to do; I will do as I please," Mike says as he slams the door and walks out of the room. His roommates look at each other and are confused. They could not say a word; they all sat on their beds looking at each other. Dave then says, "It's going to be a long day".
Dave, Fred, and Jordan all walk out of the room to watch the school basketball train. Mike looks at the watch, and it's 4 p.m. He smiles as he masterminds another plan.
Fred opens the room and he is shocked by what he sees. He takes a look at his watch and it's 7 pm. Fred stands by the door, waiting for Dave and Jordan.
"What is going on here, what are our beds in one corner of the room?" Dave asks. Fred replies "I am as confused as you". Mike is in the bathroom smiling as he knows he is getting under their skin.
Mike comes out of the bathroom and acts surprised. "You guys are back?" Dave replies to him, saying, "You need to put a stop to this madness. This is only our second day in this room, and we have had a lot of disagreements and fights. How can you squeeze three persons into a small corner?". Mike walks past them like they don't exist, lays on his bed, and starts singing.
Jordan immediately walks out of the room. He gets to the hostel supervisor's office and plays the video of all that has been going on in room 5 to the supervisor. The man is shocked by what he saw. He moves to room 5 and orders Mike to park his property and leave the room.
Mike was reassigned to room 600 which is regarded as the room the worst room in the school. Mike begs the hostel supervisor for mercy and promises to turn a new leaf. The supervisor walks off and says don't be a bone in people's throats. Mike opens the door of the room, and tears fill his eyes.
hello @kinganny. Your piece had good structure but it would have been even better if you had edited it to correct basic grammar mistakes and remove redundancy. It also needed a stronger character arc. Without showing us the growth of you main character over the course of the story, we do not become invested in the outcome. We need to understand why Mike is who he is and either see a shift in his attitude as he learns something about himself, or if there is no growth in his character, we need to understand clearly why it is not possible for him, and perhaps see growth in someone else instead. We also note that your comments on the stories of others is quite repetitive and brief. We would encourage you to engage more meaningfully in the community.
Thank you for comments, I will work on my mistakes