I was a legionnaire in the vaunted VIII Legion. After 10 years (a 20 year enlistment that guaranteed citizenship at the end) I had worked my way up to first spear in the VIII Century. Yep, you've got that right. The VIII of the VIII.
After two long years of smiting the Hun hip and thigh the entire VIII Legion was sent to winter camp just north of the Rubicon. It was close enough to Rome that many of the senior officers brought their families to camp since it had been two long and bloody years since they got legal wifely sex.
I swear to you, I never really touched the Centurion's daughter. I may have just kissed her in passing as she was on the way to entertain one of the troops. It was all hearsay in an effort by my second spear to take my place as first with out having to fight for it.
Anyway, I was busted for deflowering the Centurion's daughter. Upon my mother's grave, I did NOT deflower the girl. So I spent a year in the stockade waiting trial for my false charges. By the time I came up on charges at the Centurion's Mast it was a NEW Centurion. Turns out that daddy and both uncles and both brothers had had their turns with the girl long before my alleged indiscretion.
Now they didn't know what to do with me. The new Centurion, being a fair and just leader (who couldn't afford to lose any standing with the VIII Century) didn't feel comfortable with crucifying me (standard punishment for the crime of deflowering the Centurion's daughter) but he couldn't hardly reinstate me as first spear either. He busted me down to soldier and assigned me to Caesar's household staff.
Not a bad detail, I think. Lots and lots of pretty girls around the staff (and no accidental competition with Caesar who also had lots of pretty boys on his staff) and no smoting of Huns required.
The Captain of the staff made me a bathroom attendant. Caesar had a shitter with running water under the hole so all the foulness washed into the river where the common folks washed their clothes and bathed. Still not a bad detail because those aforementioned pretty girls had to go somewhere...
Did you know that the high class Romans of the time wiped their asses with a sponge on a stick? Do you have any idea who got to CLEAN those sponges?
I can tell you that contrary to myth, legend and published reports of the time, Caesar's shit did stink.
Hello @bigtom13,
Hahaha. Shit is shit in any century, and it doesn't smell good at all unless you're a vegetarian. Well, I have never smelled the shit of a vegetarian, much less Caesar or Louis XIV.
Sorry for the bad word, but I don't know if the word dung is synonymous with shit in English when moving it from my Spanish to English. What I do know is that they both refer to the same thing, excrement. By the way, it is a disgusting job to have to clean the excreta but necessary. Decent work ...
In my specific case it certainly beat the alternative. Roman Crucifixion was not a pleasant option...
Surely ... you had no choice. Right now, my son covered the toilet. I also had no choice but to help him unburden him. There is no other choice. Hahaha, ¡this sucks!
Chief sponge cleaner for Ceasar huh? I can think of better jobs although I'm sure there were worse I'm sure.
I reckon Roman times would be a great time to go back to and take a look - Smart bastards these Romans. I've been to many Roman ruins in the UK and across Italy and always find them fascinating. It's had to say what has been the best...Possibly Bath in the UK I guess...Amazing place.
I'm a bit of a fan of the Roman Empire to be honest...A lot to like and certainly enough to keep a history buff like me occupied for a while!
!ENGAGE 20
Upon further reflection I think there is probably a moral to this story: When in doubt don't let the little head think for the big one. Or something along those lines.
And...Don't bathe in the river, downstream from where the sewer outlet is.
ENGAGEtokens.you rotten deflowerer you hahah
Ahahahahaha. I did NOT deflower. I may or may not have had sex, but I didn't deflower.
Bangs down the gavel, or as I call it the cute little hammer...
Case closed your honour!
yup bang to rights. The judge and jury are having none of this flimsy waffle excuses GUILTY!!! haha
I'm glad you weren't in the Centurion's Mast.
Ah you read 'between' the lines too huh? :D
Oh cool! You got to stay at winter camp... If my understanding of history is correct it was all snow-angels, snowmen and hot chocolate with marshmallows, and watching Christmas movies in the open air cinema 24/7.
The stockade, however, sounded slightly less fun! Although no Crucifixion!!! FISTBUMP
Unconstrained with today's concerns with recycling and eco-friendly products, I would definitely have lobbied Caesar for his own benefit of-course to make the switch to single use sponges!!!
So on the one hand you tell me the pretty ladies were all down in the river then on the other you inform me that so is Caesars 'offcasts'... Jeez this is like Russian roulette!!!
Well, some of the pretty ladies were allowed to use the emperors shitter (literally what it was called 'shitterous emperious') So not all was bad news for the lowly attendant.
Think of what single use sponges would have down for the 'downstream' masses. Nothing good I can assure you.
Having been to those Roman baths myself, those were quite the good detail to have! The shit just rolls down unless he had a particularly protein filled lunch then even the strongest water couldn’t wash it down.
Did the Roman's have Metamucil?
Nah. They had olive oil.
Yeah, true. And I bet they used it with gusto.
It seems Julie had way more protein that the average minister or senator. Just sayin'
I was only around since 1482 well after the Roman empire but only had a belly full of the so-called Holy Roman Empire of what Voltaire once quoted to me that "The holy Roman Empire was neither Holy, nor Roman, nor even an Empire." And they use the lavatory in much the same way.