I am always anxious over what people think about my work, what I said, what I mean, time, money, relationships. It is exhausting. So I stay away from people. I work remote, at my own pace, chat rather than call so I can edit my words and be clear about my meaning. I remain single, spend time on things I enjoy. I try to tell myself that money will not make me happy 😆. It is not so bad. My skin is not flushed with heat, my palms are not sweaty. My body is not trembling and I don't feel the need to use the restroom. My heart does not race. At least not all the time. This is how I stay alive.
Sometimes, I'm hit with everything then that black hole opens up and I'm staring at the void and I say to myself, just fall, there's nothing to catch you. Just fall, there's no bottom, no end. And I say to myself, wait for tomorrow. Wait for tomorrow. Wait. I wait. Tomorrow comes and sometimes, there's light, warmth, life filled to the brim. Sometimes. This is how I stay alive.
Seems like you are talking about me.
Ha. It's crazy, right? Dealing with the day to day.