Hallo dearest Art. Friends, and Hive Lovers-Of-Creative-Sovereignty!

I've had a filing cabinet for at least the past 30 years - I think from when I lived in Edinburgh and got involved in big community projects, visioning transformation of social housing in Scotland, and harvesting mainstream publicity/ attention. It had a fat folder in it, of press clippings and brochures, amongst other paperwork around my Art. career in multiple countries.

This is PART ONE of a 4-part series, documenting my Art. 'career' - this part focusses on my the bulk of publicity that I had, for Scottish exhibitions and events (whilst I was living in Scotland) - there will be other collections of cuttings, from expos etc abroad but whilst living in Scotland, publicity from my years in Cyprus, and then from my earlier Italy years (I first came here in 2009).

These series of posts are of the physical, paper publicity that I had in my more 'visible' years; it doesn't include the more extensive online publicity I received for my visionary/ Art. endeavours. The images are not listed in chronological order, nor in order of any particular 'importance'.

My Art. in the past involved wrestling for visibility in myriad ways. It was a high-tensioned existence, and one which I would never choose again: rushing, straining, digging, designing, writing, painting and presenting. I also sang and won competitions for it, got prizes and funding for visionary housing and land design projects, modelled, busked, ran sewing groups, and taught in adult and special needs educational settings - amongst multifarious other quiet adventures.

Throughout my career, I kept myself well outside of the conventional art scene and the corporate/ ego-driven/ conceptual art galleries and networks: this made earning money VERY challenging, but somehow I kept chugging along, despite occasionally being homeless and very often feeling the strain of not having much to live on. I spent a lot of the time that I was 'an artist', on the edges and looking inwards: looking towards that which I perceived I was missing out on. It was unconscious, but it wasn't until my 40s that I recognised how much that was holding me back, and harvesting a lot of my energy-attention-resources. The process of releasing all of this accoutrements helps me to clean out that small layer of residue, that might have been my need to be seen by mainstream.

My paintings are the main thing I got public attention for, from my first graduation through to my landing inelegantly in Guardia Sanframondi. Over the past decades I gathered a fat folder of articles from newspapers - before things went digital, and before I gave up painting in 2023. And as I make a major clear-out of my worklife and lifework, I feel the need to clean out the aforementioned filing cabinet, and all the paperwork that has been sitting silently but meaningfully there: this fat folder wants to be burned.

As I sorted through this pile of clippings, my energy was re-imprinted with the many many experiences, in multiple countries and cultures, that my path has taken. I especially felt the tightness of the previous situations that I made for myself: in cities and villages, on mountains and by rivers, within and outwith communities of all types, in allotment gardens and cultural centres, in Highlands and Lowlands, north and south of Europe: my mind is swarming not just with old memories, but also with the intense fabric of how it felt to occupy those events and iterations of self.

My identity feels like such a different reality now, and looking back seems like a series of clunky misadventures: everything feels forced compared to where I am now, and everything I look at reminds of of the unbearable EFFORT of it all. Such straining and pulling of muscles and tendons. Such a lot of friction in relationships and power dynamics.

Sooo many mornings, noons and nights trying and barely moving... These days everything seems to unfold with a very easy rhythm that includes all things around me.

Back in the day, it was more like I was a cog in a machine, but I couldn't find the part of the machinery where my parts would fit neatly into the rest of it. Yeuch; so many years of chasing my tail, of trying to jump onto a moving rollercoaster.

On the positive side, I can sense back too into my tenacity and my volcanic creative power throughout my younger years; it is so potent to recognise and re-feel the continuity of this - and of how my perpetual striving for freedom - how in the end my determination brought me ever-deeper into sovereignty.

Getting a cross-section of past achievements - no matter how superficial - can help to anchor what I am doing now; having a means of grounding and of validation of how far I've come is incredibly helpful, especially as I make yet another major move...

Seeing all these old newspaper articles lets me see that I have done this many, many times before, and I am highly capable of creating a new life and home, workspace and landscape and community...

I've felt recently into the affirmative reasons for keeping old publicity - passing them on to my children (who have not manifested, yet) or family, holding onto good memories, the ego of public validation, for example.

The letting go of them doesn't feel like a clearing and cleaning at first; more like an immersion and reintegration of feeling. It is not such a simple action as throwing the paperwork in the stove and setting it in flames.

The editing of the photos is laborious and emotional: many life experiences in my 20s and 30s were anguishing and completely overwhelming; much of my earlier life I felt so very unbalanced and unable to navigate, no matter how spontaneously and dynamically I uprooted myself.

It is painful to revisit those times, and to think of how hard I STILL find it to fit in, to make sense of where I am and where I want to go, and to make friends!! (As hard work as it can be to reach out online, I am nevertheless extremely grateful for those who I am in touch with regularly, and who are willing to share their own adventures.) It is hard to look back at how the 'art world' that I so rebelled against, managed to suck the life out of me, perhaps even more so than if I'd compromised and conspired with them about the Emperor's New Clothes.

It is also very beautiful to revisit those times; I pick out just two small booklets from exhibitions, which I allow myself to keep: both are from shows on my island, both connected to the roots I grew up with, and to the contemporary artistic fabric of Arran. This is one tiny aspect of this big pile of posters, clippings, flyers which is worth holding onto. I remember beautiful collections of friends and neighbours, celebrating Art., music, dance, in the centre of the village I grew up in. It fills me with a positive pride, to recall how I HAVE had moments of being lifted up by others, and even received applause and honours for my creativity.

The great happy rushing-into-alignment which comes from getting rid of things we're no longer attached to - that comes from bringing fresh energy into old stagnancy - is one of the best feelings, that's for sure.

Even working towards massive change, trawling through a shit-ton of scraps and sheets and photos, and then the back-aching editing and filing; I really want to destroy the hard copies, but am trying to follow the logic of giving them a meaningful exit. A creative release, rather than a destructive burning of bridges, perhaps.

I like the idea of storing these memories at least superficially, on the blockchain. It's a good way to lessen the weight of carrying them around physically - which is getting less and less possible even, as my large house (currently for sale!) has gotten waaay too full of old things - and I am sooo ready to walk away from the heavy load of owning-too-much. It might be a messy and cumbersome process, to declutter especially papers like these, but it is the right action for this time in my life where things need to be re-assessed, re-set and re-aligned.

I am leaning into the virtual world, and using it as a tool which can lighten my load. Wish me good juju for their destruction in the real world, and my moving forward into a free-er and easier new spiralling upwards!

And if you are interested, watch out for part two about my times in Cyprus, between 2001 and 2004...

LoVE!

www.claregaiasophia.com