Blood on the STREETS

There is blood on the streets.

I said gravely as the Good Lady came in from outside, shaking some rain from her hair.

Blood? It's just rain, sweetheart. Have you been up playing Skyrim till the early hours again?

Her laughter tinkled like broken glass on a bar-room floor and for a second I considered drawing my axe with the fire enchantment on it and cleaving her asunder.

Then I realised two things. One that I had no fire enchanted axe and two, she was right. I had been up till half-past three crawling through dungeons smashing all the undead and taking their gold and nibbles.

If only life was more like Skyrim.

Which bought me thumping back to my point.

No, there is blood on the streets.

I said with more emphasis. As if I were teaching a small cat the right way to poo in a cup.
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Ooooooooohhh. Crypto blood...

She nodded knowingly, this wasn't her first crypto rodeo with me.

I grimaced at her expression, crypto blood. It didn't sound very catchy. It couldn't be a crypto term.

Now, if she had said Crypto Boodl? That might have worked.

I shook my head, damn. My brain was not firing on all cylinders. Perhaps the Good Lady was right and I need to be getting more sleep. How could a man sleep though, whilst his crypto bed was burning?

Yes, there is blood on the streets.

I repeated myself because frankly, my brain was caught in a loop.

Yes yes, isn't it always the way. It's up, it's down, blah blah blah. Like a yoyo. Isn't this when the weak shake their hands or something? God, it's like a kids dance.

She made a flubbly noise with her lips to show her disapproval of all things crypto.

Shake out the weak hands, is what they say. Not shake their hands. It's not like a party with Michael J Fox or anything.

I tsked. Simply because it was spelt differently from a tut and in actuality, it was different indeed. I had to purse my lips and cluck my tongue in a way that I hadn't since I had gone out with Leaky Linda.

I shuddered at the thought. At times I had genuinely thought I might drown down there. It was like being in a small boat in a storm at sea.

Oh shake them out. Oh well. Let them be shook. Now, what are we having for dinner tonight?

She bent to the side and started tugging a brush through her hair. The resultant brush strokes sounded like an animal coughing in the night.

Dinner schminner. We need money baby. If there are dips coming then I am buying and if I am buying I am gonna need cash flow.

I stood and started pacing.

Perhaps we could sell one of the children?

I stopped mid-stride and grinned with pleasure. That would do it alright. If I got enough from one of the little darlings I could whale up on cheap crypto-winter tokens!

Right you, I like a joke as much as the next person but I do not like the selling our children for money jokes.

The Good Lady crossed her arms and looked at me unhappily as if she were a bird that had muddied its bubblies after building a nest.

Ok, sorry.

I tried my best to look crestfallen but then an idea struck me.

Wait though, what about if you farted a new squealer or two out of the honey-monster? We could sell those and keep the ones we already have?

I laughed madly because even I was not sure if I was serious or not.

Fart a what out of my what now?!?!

The Good Lady picked up a cushion and swung it back as if to beat a misbehaving husband.

I ran.