Thank you for that really powerful reply. It really does mean a lot to me.
I use my words to paint a picture full of color and life that in a way moves, not a “captcha” or capture, which is the state I’ve been in really since coming home from Phoenix in June. Every word I spoken to him since then became like daggers to be thrown back at me in a perfectly timed execution.
Predictability of old habits dying hard is probably what saved me, because I knew exactly what his blueprints and master plan liked like because he forgot he had shared with me his exit strategy one night when he was very drunk.
I had a plan so that I could make sure my boys and I were safe and could survive a bit. I had to pull the trigger early. I didn’t count on the actual physical violence in front of my children. Once that happened, I knew news would quickly spread to my ex husband (the boys’ dad) and I’d risk my custody. So, trigger pulled and plan out the window- ZERO parachute in sight.
Freeing but terrifying. no cats were harmed in this gif. This is the Swedish skydiving kitty*