Occasionally something happens that leads me to wonder what people's perception of me and my life is; what they perceive doesn't matter to me of course, it's their reality not mine, however infrequently my curiosity gets the better of me and I wonder.
I'm sitting in a café writing this post, the result of a contemplation on people's expectations of me, the demand on my time, thought, emotion and actions and the demand I place upon myself to get everything done. Sometimes I wonder how I manage, and often I simply don't manage. I'm not a do it by halves sort of man though and so I push hard to ensure I'm not letting others down or compromising my honour and integrity which is so important to me.
I have a finite amount of time, I mean daily and weekly and my time on the planet is finite also right? It makes sense to get the most out of it, to do my best and to seek to continually improve as I go. I have a finite amount of emotional energy and capacity also - I've pushed those limits at times - and it's often this, more than the time-constraints, that cause a shortfall in the supply I have to offer in comparison to the demands made.
I won't list the things or people that place demands on me as I prefer to keep much of my life private. Also, most of us have demands placed on us and mine are likely no greater than anyone else's. The difference is, mine are mine.
I guess what's more relevant is how I facilitate the process of bringing it all together and what I have in place for when I feel overwhelmed, overworked or simple over it.
Again, I'll not go through them however, as it's the weekend and I'm currently engaging in one of those bringing-it-together elements right now, I thought I'd mention it.
My weekends are very important to me. There was a time when I did a job that placed massive demands on me emotionally and physically and weekends weren't something I had the luxury of enjoying and, looking back, I wonder at my ability to cope with that demand. [That's when I began to develop and deploy the mitigation techniques actually.] These days I get a weekend and it's a very important and valuable time for me. I do not like to waste weekends and whether I'm doing nothing or many things I attack it with one hundred percent of my effort.
I'm in a café right now, a place in which I often feel unreachable, and it feels good.
It's a little like a castle in which I can lock myself away, or more accurately, lock everything else out. I'm alone, and that's how I often like it as I find a greater ability to push aside the demand and focus on the supply, the things I provide to myself: Coffee, café food, anonymity and more importantly the space to think, or to not think, and the ability to simply be with myself. I'll be honest, I need it. This is something I find in abundance in the right café and whilst there's other places in which find it, hiking for instance, I love my café moments.
I can't be everything, all the time, to those who make demands of me. I spent many years doing so and a great deal counted upon it, but now...Well, there needs to be a little something left over for the G-dog. You know? If I don't apply some self-care I'll not be well-placed to apply care, to give to others.
There was a strong demand this week and it pulled me in many directions; emotionally I mean, not so much physically. I'm not sure if in people's perception I supplied the demand satisfactorily. I gave what I could though, more really, but also realised that I had a demand to make of myself...The demand for a gap, some space for me. That's what this café scenario is providing. I contemplated the week, thought about the demands made of me and prioritised their importance to those demanding it and myself; the result was the understanding that it was all very important...but so am I and so I find a supply for my demand.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
The image is my own
So ah.... it took me a long time to adopt the phrase 'bandwidth'... it sounded way too Corporate America speak... but I actually really like it now. Instead of saying I don't have time for something, I say that I don't have bandwidth for it... because it's way more accurate. I might have time for that thing... but I might not have the energy, mental capacity or inclination to really take it on properly.
I definitely push myself to try and keep improving in something every day, but there have been days or weekends where I've just crashed and I've come to the realization that those days are necessary too and that rest is as essential as eating or drinking in order to be productive.
Could we... be getting more sensible as we get older? Nahhhh.
I really like your bandwidth idea. Sometimes, we just don't have the energy or inclination because of the lack of energy. Sometimes, we just have to listen to our body and give ourselves a rest day. What I got out of @galenkp is that we can't give of ourselves if we do not take care of ourselves.
Sensible? You and I? What madness is it that you speak of! 😀
Bandwidth is a good way to put it. There's only so much in the tank as such and using it all up isn't ever going to work well. One need to know when expend some care and energy on oneself or cracks will appear. Burning a candle at both ends makes more light, but for how long?
Every decision we make is ultimately an economic decision, with the cost being either our money or our time, and the value being a very vague idea of valueness. You make your decisions based on criteria which is important to you and, presumably, you make your final decision after weighing that against the opportunity cost (i.e., the next best thing for your time, money, attention, etc).
And you don't owe anyone an explanation for it.
I recently turned down a job - which would have been a promotion inside another company - because it would have required me to be on call. Five years ago I would have jumped at the opportunity, but after five years of WFH with the luxury of being on call very rarely and not needing to commute, the opportunity cost was simple: I could take a promotion, or continue to have the ability to spend more time with my family on a daily basis. It all comes down to a persons values, and what they believe they will get the most value from.
My time has a high value, to me at least. I'm pretty careful with it and am not inclined to waste it on those who don't deserve it.
Also, working from home is gold. When I took my new role a couple months ago autonomy was one of the stipulations. I have it and that has a value every bit as important as the remuneration.
Sometimes we want to help others so much, we forget about ourselves. Taking care of oneself is the best way to be ready to help others demand.
This is nicely put and exactly what I was trying to say. You just used way less words than me. 😆
It is a good feeling working away in a coffee shop, then take a look up and watch the people coming and going.
It's just a different vibe from the office or home office right?
Yeah, I must admit I really like it, plus the coffee if great at most places.
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Hey Galen, Supply, and demand need to be correlated indeed because we cannot give from an empty vessel. It's good to know that you're in tune with yourself, to recognise when you need to find a balance to re-centre and re-energise; which is what it sounds like you got from some alone time at the café. A cup of coffee is always a great treat, especially one as lovely as the one you're holding:)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and highlighting what a positive impact a visit to a café can have.☕️
Hi Milz, thanks for your comment. I know my post is only border-line café/coffee shop related but I guess there's only so much one can say about coffee itself. So, I'm glad it scraped into the realms of acceptability.
You have a great way of painting a good picture and telling a story that emphasizes the pleasures one can extract from a visit to a coffee shop. Therefore, I'd say your post is not border-line; It's a refreshing change...that's always welcome:)
So...It's a keeper then. Lol.
And yeah, a change up is always good.
Definitely a keeper!!!
Your (coffee) posts are easy to read, which makes it more pleasurable for me:)
So thanks for that!
I'm a keeper! Rawr! Lol.
lol 😻
PS. Your photo - nice depth of field🙌 @galenkp
I am used to being in high demand by those close to me. I have managed to have a supply that meets most of those demands, but at some point, I felt that I forgot about myself somewhere along the way. I have learned little by little to prioritize my demand because otherwise, I will not be able to give an excellent supply to others.
Those cafe moments or whatever we choose to do are priceless, and you should always try to have them at the top. Meeting the demands of others, especially if they are our affections, is important but it is even more important to be well ourselves, after all the people who demand from us if they want to continue to do so will have to learn to be a little more patient sometimes. And in my experience, they learn pretty fast if we give them the right signals.
Patience is something many don't seem to have these days. Everything happens so fast so people are trained to expect it. I think that's behind some of the demands people place on others. Lowering theie expectations is important I think, setting boundaries, as it means we can find the time for ourselves which is more important than satisfying other people's demands. If we are not right, we cannot offer much outwardly.
Your story is interesting and inspiring. We can't fulfill everything that people want, because we are not perfect beings. I also try to be better by doing things that are fun for me and the people around me. Drinking coffee in the corner of a coffee shop is also my favorite. I call it me time hehe
(I use google translate, Bahasa to English 😀🙏)
It's good to find a little time for oneself and to relax. Coffee is a good companion.
Self care yes.
I will let you in on a little secret...
Self-care is critical to mission success.