Well, of course I wish to be better. Don't I?
At some point I think I dig too deeply into the morass that is me. It's a fine line for me, that introspection line. I need to know, I need to assess, I need to change-but some times I think I pry the lid off just because I think I should.
In all honesty, I am essentially a happy (content) person. I really do love my life and try to live it to the best of my ability. Could I be better at some things? Yes, of course I could. Could I be worse? Well, yeah, I have been. Much worse. Do I ever find the balance? No. All I can hope for is close enough for contentment.
My weight. I'm about 12 kilos from where I feel I ought to be, but the trend line is down so I don't get too fussed up with the ANGLE of the line. I mostly make good choices in my eating and when I don't I don't just castigate myself, I just go back to making good choices. Because I'm going to fail every now and again...
Aside: I've thought of you the last 10 days-my water heater failed and it took the 10 days to get it back. Much of that is the "I live in an old less than admirably maintained place and every time I touch something it needs to be replaced" syndrome. But I am now approaching 48 hours of continuous hot water service, I have all new fixtures and supply plumbing and I can flush my toilet without removing the back and pulling the chain manually. That was a coincidental breakdown, not related to the water heater in any way. There is still work to do, and things that must be fixed-but not today. I might even go to the store and get some ice cream-or not :)
Hello, Tom. Vroom vroom.
Hey ya! Good to see you.
Did you know I am rumbling a six cylinder pancake Honda? Yep. I'm old enough to own a Goldwing. I just love it.
Yeah but do you fly American flags made in China on your Honda?
Wassup Tom? Good for you, you deserve a couch on wheels. We're back in the UK so if technology ever catches up to us, instant message me a bean n cheese burrito por favor.
Nope-my Goldwing was made in Maryville, Ohio (it's an '04).
Yeah. The local 'truck' scene took a hit during covid but they seem to be back now. That's where real burros come from...
Dig too deep and the fear is, finding what we fear most - that we aren't all that we believe ourselves to be.
Do you ever wonder if there is such a thing as "true balance"? How can there be in a world that is always changing?
Falling "off the wagon" is to be expected isn't it? I am not sure how this works in respect to drinking, but I suspect that relapses happen, until there is something internal that stops them from happening.
Does it fell good to have a proper hot shower? :)
I don't think there is a true stasis point for humans. I believe it's one of those things that you pursue-or not. Like, for instance, just when you think you have achieved perfect balance in your life the water heater takes a shit (actually a pee-I stepped in a puddle) and everything is upside down. :)
AA is not the only answer, but it's the only one I know. They do an awful (by design) job of keeping statistics but many can and do recover. I'm not so certain that relapse is so much accepted as known. It took me a couple of tries before I started this round of sobriety-I had to be completely hopeless before it would work for me. Obviously, some never get it. Today, the saddest possible outcome I could imagine for myself is to die drunk.
A warm shower is an inexplicable luxury that I am just about to experience right now. Life is pretty balanced, matter of fact.