Blame it on the City

in Self Improvement2 years ago

At a corner shop at the train station, whilst searching for something relatively healthy to munch on, I started talking to an American tourist here for the Ice Hockey World Championships that are currently on in the city. Me being the good local asked how he was enjoying it and essentially he was complaining about how boring the city is. Granted, it isn't the most exciting city in the world at the stretch of even the most active imagination, but with tens of thousands of tourists around and the spring weather currently good, the bars and terraces are full with chanting hockey fans and locals enjoying the change of pace.

So, how much of our experience is our fault?

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I think about this relatively often and I know that over the last years, a lot of my own experience in life has felt "dictated" by conditions. This has meant that I feel forced to do certain things in life, which is predominantly due to now having a young child who has needed a little extra attention than the average in her early years. As a result, I feel that I have changed my outlook on life, where rather than making the most of conditions, I feel more oppressed by them.

However, it might not just be my family situation that has affected this, since in general, the Finnish culture is renowned for its inability to make the most of a situation and instead, blame moods on conditions - present and past.

As I reflect on this now, I realize how far I have let this go and over the last year, I think it has increased even further, as after the stroke I feel I have become a little more disillusioned and demotivated. As a natural skeptic, this is a potentially dangerous path to walk, as it is easy to slip a little further into disconnection and depression. I don't want to go there. Also, I don't think it sets a very good model for my daughter and that is something that regardless of how I feel in life, I have to suck it up to provide the best conditions for her and since they are never perfect, encourage the skillset to do the best she can with the resources she has.

Resources are important and it is more than time, money and material. If anything, our mental resources are the most valuable resource we have, as it is this that filters our world and delivers experience. And because of this, the less able I am to make the most of the conditions I have available, the more it indicates that my mental state isn't optimal and therefore, I need to adjust.

My brother says, "Design you life, don't live by default" and I think that this is part of the problem I have, as the defaults start to overwhelm the design tools. And the more this happens, the more it will happen, like sprained ankles that weaken the tendons and increases the chances of lower stress causing the next strain.

Just like compound interest can bring large scale gains over time, letting small things slide will lead in the opposite direction and bit by bit, the costs start to mount up until it is insurmountable, or - feels insurmountable. I feel this in my weight gain and need for loss - it seems "impossible" but the thing is in reality, I am only a handful (maybe two hands) of kilos over where I need to be. I can't imagine what it must be like for some people who have been packing on the pounds for years on end and don't want to.

That is another "problem" in society these days in my opinion. There is this cultural movement to "love yourself the way you are" even if you are unhappy with the way you feel, look or with other factors that are important to you. This means that instead of doing something about it, many people just dive deeper into the conditions of their unhappiness, fooling themselves into thinking that this is "the way they have to be". Interestingly, this reinforces a consumer mentality.

Have you ever noticed that the more we consume, the unhappier we get?

I am not just talking about the food I eat, but in a general sense of consumption. It seems that even when we are able to buy all of the toys we want, it is like empty calories that don't satiate us for long, before we are looking to eat again. And then even if we have a "bigger meal" we are still not satisfied, because we aren't getting what we need from it.

What do I need?

While many say it, I question how many of us are truly content in life, as those who say they are, tend to still want for more (or less) of something. They speak as if they are enlightened, yet seem to struggle and dislike their experience just as much as the next Joe.

Trains are good places to sit and reflect.

I guess it is the trapped audience with oneself that does it. I remember hearing somewhere that we each need to find our own purpose in life and the advice was to go into an empty room with a pad and pen and don't come out until you have discovered what that is. Of course, our purpose might change over time depending on what we experience and change ourselves, but I think the advice is sound.

And maybe this is the "directed" feeling from the current conditions, as regardless of my own purpose in life, there are other people relying on me to do certain things, which means my aims get put on the backburner. Maybe realizing this allows for the acceptance of it and instead of feeling like missing out, it can be seen as taking a different route to the same end. Perhaps even, the different route will evolve the current purpose into something other.

We all live under various conditions that are unique to us, but perhaps some are better at "making the most of it" than others. Some, no matter how good conditions might be, might never be content, never enjoy, because their mental condition is poor. All conditions are constantly changing, however when it comes to our mental condition, it is our responsibility as to how we develop ourselves or, let ourselves degrade.

Do I want to be better or worse?

That is up to me - No matter the city I find myself in.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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No way you have a young child? I've never seen her.

What's up man? The above sentence is as true as this next one. I have no idea what you mean by changing cities in search of a parking spot falling more and more out of reality and further into depression. I might've adlibbed slightly.


For years the only thing I've had consistent for myself is the gym. I'm grateful for it and it's rewarding to appreciate the mirror but even that, the past couple years, is becoming increasingly challenging. It regularly takes everything I got to talk myself out of cutting my reps short or sliding out early.

I didn't relate to anything you said in case you can't tell.

This sentence is fuckin with me but something about the longer I do this the more my conversations are virtual and then I realize I'm being vulnerable with a monitor when all I want is to be somewhere I don't want to leave.

She is awesome!

Do you find that your gym routine tends to "ground" you in some way? There is something rewarding in doing something that we feel makes us better in some way I think.

Monitor vulnerability. It is the new bartender or hairdresser. It is an intimate relationship in many ways, but with a stranger that just listens. It is no wonder so many people are drawn into the digital life, in a world lacking real relationships.

Bartender or hairdresser. First time someone's said er typed that, so true.

Yes. Grounding/foundation, absolutely. That time of mine is part of her schedule even.

Well, of course I wish to be better. Don't I?

At some point I think I dig too deeply into the morass that is me. It's a fine line for me, that introspection line. I need to know, I need to assess, I need to change-but some times I think I pry the lid off just because I think I should.

In all honesty, I am essentially a happy (content) person. I really do love my life and try to live it to the best of my ability. Could I be better at some things? Yes, of course I could. Could I be worse? Well, yeah, I have been. Much worse. Do I ever find the balance? No. All I can hope for is close enough for contentment.

My weight. I'm about 12 kilos from where I feel I ought to be, but the trend line is down so I don't get too fussed up with the ANGLE of the line. I mostly make good choices in my eating and when I don't I don't just castigate myself, I just go back to making good choices. Because I'm going to fail every now and again...

Aside: I've thought of you the last 10 days-my water heater failed and it took the 10 days to get it back. Much of that is the "I live in an old less than admirably maintained place and every time I touch something it needs to be replaced" syndrome. But I am now approaching 48 hours of continuous hot water service, I have all new fixtures and supply plumbing and I can flush my toilet without removing the back and pulling the chain manually. That was a coincidental breakdown, not related to the water heater in any way. There is still work to do, and things that must be fixed-but not today. I might even go to the store and get some ice cream-or not :)

Hello, Tom. Vroom vroom.

Hey ya! Good to see you.

Did you know I am rumbling a six cylinder pancake Honda? Yep. I'm old enough to own a Goldwing. I just love it.

Yeah but do you fly American flags made in China on your Honda?

Wassup Tom? Good for you, you deserve a couch on wheels. We're back in the UK so if technology ever catches up to us, instant message me a bean n cheese burrito por favor.

Nope-my Goldwing was made in Maryville, Ohio (it's an '04).

Yeah. The local 'truck' scene took a hit during covid but they seem to be back now. That's where real burros come from...

Dig too deep and the fear is, finding what we fear most - that we aren't all that we believe ourselves to be.

Do you ever wonder if there is such a thing as "true balance"? How can there be in a world that is always changing?

Falling "off the wagon" is to be expected isn't it? I am not sure how this works in respect to drinking, but I suspect that relapses happen, until there is something internal that stops them from happening.

Does it fell good to have a proper hot shower? :)

I don't think there is a true stasis point for humans. I believe it's one of those things that you pursue-or not. Like, for instance, just when you think you have achieved perfect balance in your life the water heater takes a shit (actually a pee-I stepped in a puddle) and everything is upside down. :)

AA is not the only answer, but it's the only one I know. They do an awful (by design) job of keeping statistics but many can and do recover. I'm not so certain that relapse is so much accepted as known. It took me a couple of tries before I started this round of sobriety-I had to be completely hopeless before it would work for me. Obviously, some never get it. Today, the saddest possible outcome I could imagine for myself is to die drunk.

A warm shower is an inexplicable luxury that I am just about to experience right now. Life is pretty balanced, matter of fact.

I too am skeptical of myself. I don't always know what is best for me. And, given my track record, I can make some rather boneheaded decisions.

Your post is timely as I have been contemplating my situation. I often ponder, "things could be better. How?"

Today, the answer is to eliminate things that aren't serving me so that I can focus my attention. I'm spread too thin. Next time around, it might be something different. It doesn't always have to be a big change. It could just be a change in attitude that makes all the difference.

Attention is the most valuable resource we have at our disposal - we should use it wisely. Those small changes really do mount up - don't wait to start making them.

We force ourself to do, also our environment forces us to do... To what a pressure we are exposed since our teenage. This is like living life according to others. I always hear this kind of phrase said from parents;

"Look (someone)'s son/girl did X and you are still..."

Comparative Lifes 😁

So much of our lives are lived in comparison to the lives of others - so much of our personal wants, are actually group wants, pushed upon us by society. What does this make us?

A role model :)

Oh god! i feel you so bad, every letter. Sometimes i can't control my mind and keep repeating the same things over and over.

as it is easy to slip a little further into disconnection and depression

Look, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it but sometimes I'm not in the places where my body is, like being with a bunch of people and they could be talking and I'm not there, I'm not paying attention to what they say, nor to the surroundings, and sometimes silly thoughts creep into my head. And I feel like I've been conditioned to be like this because of the things that I do, for example, my job, my life in general, the fear of taking a real step to change.

There is this cultural movement to "love yourself the way you are"

I feel you there, because our minds are weak we are easy to manipulate, but in this case for me it is the opposite because I love myself it is that I assist the orthodontist to change the current shape of my crooked teeth or because I love myself I am going to cut my hair or paint it, if I want to exercise to lose weight it is because I love myself, it is good to love yourself as you are, but wanting to improve that version that you already love or really want to love, is more important than what society thinks about how i should love myself

Some, no matter how good conditions might be, might never be content, never enjoy, because their mental condition is poor.

Well this is truth, I could say that I have many moments of weakness because they are not all, but there are moments when I cannot enjoy it and it is as if I were immersed in misery and I have tried logically and rationally to find an explanation and I reached a somewhat far-fetched conclusion and it is because maybe I'm not consistently doing what I really want to do, how I want to live, or because I haven't been able to bring about the change I need and it's like I'm discouraged by default.

Of course I live trying to take steps, even small ones, to transform what I have.

Do you ever get the feeling that you are going to awake from a dream, like what you experience today, isn't your real life?

"Maybelline - because you are worth it"

You are worth it - spend more, consume more, do not be happy with what you have, it isn't good enough - but we have the solution... it is $9.99...

WE are a mess, aren't we? You'd think that with all the mental issues we have, mental health would be higher on the list than it is.

I learned a long time ago to appreciate each day, if it was a bad day / or a great day, it’s still a gift. I know many people who have suffered tragic loss, death of their child or spouse, a nephew born just 2 months ago who is severely brain damaged. A sister and a brother who had accidents young that put them in wheelchairs for life. I could go on but don’t want to depress you, but I focus on how fortunate I have been in my lifetime. On this day I happily cut my lawn and smiled a the sun and was content to know all my children and grandchildren are well and thriving.
Attitude is everything.

How do you feel about Finland joining NATO, just wondering. Thanks

Attitude is everything and gratitude goes a very long way to being content under any conditions. It is vital, but that doesn't seem to be the world we are living in these days. People aren't grateful - they see themselves as victims.

I don't think Finland needs to join Nato, as it is EU. The EU has protections against attack, and even the EU countries that are part of NATO can use their NATO forces to defend, which is essentially what would happen anyway. It is a money grab, like most things and now, the military budget will increase again.

I agree the world is not in a good place right now, too much hatred and not enough love for each other.
I didn’t know Finland can call on NATO to defend your country. Does Finland have a strong defense on your own?
I do know it costs the US a ton of money when we compare to other countries, our military budget is off the charts. Wouldn’t it be great if war stopped and we could all live in peace. Think of all that money that could be used to uplift all mankind.
Yeah, I could get depressed if I listened to too much news coverage.

Dear @tarazkp , From my point of view, Finns(=@tarazkp?) seem to be engulfed in worry, anxiety and fear because of the Russian threat!

I don't think the US, Britain, France and Germany will go to war with Russia to defend Finland.

Very few people care at the moment.

Aren't Finns worried about what will happen if Russian oil and natural gas are not imported to Finland?
If oil and natural gas are scarce in Finland, your cost of living will rise even more.
Perhaps you know Finland's harsh winter cold better than I do.😦

Nope. The supply is steady. There are options and Finland only took in a little from Russia.

I understand!

they is alot of good place to reflect on things especially life Itself,i do go to friend house and stadium.

Reflection is a good way to get perspective. Do we listen to what we learn though?

Have you ever noticed that the more we consume, the unhappier we get?

Is this an original idea? I found this so true just thinking about it on the surface

It is the human nature to feel something the way we observe it, like going to a new place makes us excited until we form ourselves with the environment and surroundings of that place. But, for some people going to new places becomes a stressful experience, they feel anxiety because they could not form themselves with the adaption process. Being honest about our feeling matters a lot regardless of the situation.

The life needs choices to be made, right or wrong it does depend on the outcome, but once we direct our life to fulfill something a goal or target, we feel a bit of success within, it drives us to move on and set more new goals and get more successful in the process of living.

Is it possible to be "truly content with life" before you're a senior citizen if ever? Maybe I just completely misunderstand "truly content" as it seems to be that if one was truly content with their life there would be no further need to do or try anything more and just enjoying and being is enough XD