Dig too deep and the fear is, finding what we fear most - that we aren't all that we believe ourselves to be.
Do you ever wonder if there is such a thing as "true balance"? How can there be in a world that is always changing?
Falling "off the wagon" is to be expected isn't it? I am not sure how this works in respect to drinking, but I suspect that relapses happen, until there is something internal that stops them from happening.
Does it fell good to have a proper hot shower? :)
I don't think there is a true stasis point for humans. I believe it's one of those things that you pursue-or not. Like, for instance, just when you think you have achieved perfect balance in your life the water heater takes a shit (actually a pee-I stepped in a puddle) and everything is upside down. :)
AA is not the only answer, but it's the only one I know. They do an awful (by design) job of keeping statistics but many can and do recover. I'm not so certain that relapse is so much accepted as known. It took me a couple of tries before I started this round of sobriety-I had to be completely hopeless before it would work for me. Obviously, some never get it. Today, the saddest possible outcome I could imagine for myself is to die drunk.
A warm shower is an inexplicable luxury that I am just about to experience right now. Life is pretty balanced, matter of fact.