Drift

“There are two ways of seeing: with the body and with the soul. The body's sight can sometimes forget, but the soul remembers forever.”
Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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People enter and exit our lives; some stay a while and leave, others stay for long periods and some have value whilst others do not.

Over years I've been happy to see some go, especially if their presence was toxic, and some who have exited left me feeling empty, as if they took a part of me with them, although this is more rare. The feeling of loss in the latter case often endures long after the person has drifted away and can hurt - That's the nayture of loss sometimes.

I generally have the ability to reset, to draw a line underneath a person and simply move forward - That's what people see on the surface anyway and in the main it's the reality when someone exits. But sometimes a person cannot be so easily emotionally-excised despite their physical distance or absence I guess is more appropriate a word and these are the situations that usually cause me the most pain.

If a person chooses to remove themselves from my life for whatever reason I generally respect that decision. In fact, if I'm a negative force on a person I'll advise them to leave, as I never want to be a negative force for people I value or love. The depth of my feeling will endure for them though, even whilst I respect their decision to exit. Besides, what choice do I have but to do so in any case - They're gone.

I need to draw that line and move on with my own realities, no matter how difficult it may be. No matter how important that person was, or remains, to me. No matter that it hurts deeply. Forward is the way life moves and so forward I go, although I lament their leaving.

Naturally there's people I move along and out of my life of my own accord also; I'll either provide a gentle push, a hint or two, or exit them from my life so effectively it's like they have simply vanished in a split second. That's the flip-side of that negativity thing I mentioned above; I don't accept it. If a person doesn't fit into my life, doesn't deserve what I have to offer or is toxic and therefore valueless, then they are gone: No remorse, no regret, no mercy. They're just gone as if they never existed - It's those people I never lament losing.

There is one currently whose absence has cut me so deeply that I can't see myself healing - It hurts at a primal level. You won't understand of course because I'm not willing to retell the whole story - It's simply no one's business. But despite the hurt I feel that person's decision is their own to make and sustain; the love I hold for them permits me to wake every day and continue to love them, to miss them every second, and continue to be that better person they helped me become. But the hurt remains and sometimes when people drift drawing lines beneath them isn't possible.

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Now what about you? How do you deal with loss, either you exiting someone from your life or them doing so from yours. It would be nice to hear some thoughts I guess, so feel free to comment; you don't need to add the story though, keep that personal to you.