Outtakes and Unfinished Business

in #life8 months ago

I've driven myself into the impassable funk known as burnout, once again.  Your typical crash.  Always hits hard and often comes out of nowhere.  The vehicle known as me can no longer operate at peak potential.

But I sensed this coming, weeks ago.

NoNamesLeftToUse  Fizzled Out.png

Same Thing

Every time.

I live a double life.  Behind the scenes, I'm all me.  That means living a life I don't talk about much here which takes up all of my time, plus making and spending a lot of time on these words and the imagery I present to, this world.

Many of you who've been following me for awhile know there always comes a time I go completely silent.

Trying to avoid that.

Since my life is often kept quiet, in the past I'd simply leave without mentioning anything.

It's currently shortly after four in the morning.  I don't have a day and night cycle like a normal human.  I sleep when there's no choice.  A couple hours later I'll wake up in a panic thinking I'm wasting time.

Then I'm on coffee while I focus on doing something for this life or that life.

Normally I won't put something down until it's finished.

One of the first signs of my brain starting to melt has been blinking on and off lately.  Unfinished projects start building up.

NoNamesLeftToUse  Unfinished Business.png

That's about a week worth of work.  Add writing to each of those and there's a week worth of posts, yet there's still about a week worth of work to do there before I can call them finished.

I have more.  Some might not even get released.

The passion slowly drains as the burnout sets in.  I could be hours into something, become bored and tired.  I put it down, crash, enter dreamland unexpectedly, then see something like this:

NoNamesLeftToUse  Death Dream.png

A few hours later...

I've reproduced a vision that makes no sense.

It's night.  That's the moon.  I have no idea what the symbol means.  It's sitting on top of a gravestone.  That's what I could see and all those shadowy figures surrounding me was enough to startle me into wakefulness.

That image sat completed in storage for awhile.

I thought:  maybe I'll write some kind of horror story and throw that in somehow with something else I'll make, eventually.

Never got around to it.

There are plenty more I spent time working on and have yet to release.

The burnout creates confusion.  One day I'm motivated to do something, the next it's gone.  Ideas are popping in and out of my head; nothing sticks.  Confidence is shot.  Even now, as I write, and after spending hours working on this post, that little voice we all try to ignore is saying:

They're not going to like it.

My mind is in a million places at once and refuses to come home.

The first image is new.  I made that to represent what my thoughts look like as they travel through my brain gunk at high speed, with no place to go.

Everything you've seen here is new to you.

The burnout is nothing new to me.

I'm still unsure if I want I go quiet for awhile, take a short break to rest, or maybe even a day or two of focusing on what comes naturally stress free might be all I need.

Tough to decide when the brain is blah.

But if I do go quiet, don't worry about me, I'm not dead, and I will be back, eventually, whenever.

Have a nice day.

Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png
All content within this blog is 100% organic ACTUAL CONTENT and contains no paid vote additives!

"There's a lake in the water again and for some reason it's snowing."

© 2020 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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This sounds like a normal phenomenon to all humans - our lives are all saddled with ups and downs.

Silence is best, some times.

You're lucky you said something though. I noticed this was your third comment on Hive. Welcome to Hive. Take this vote on your comment as a gift to help get you started. Not much but it was the best I could do.

Have a wonderful day.

Wow. I'm really delighted. This means a whole lot to me. I'm happy to be here.

Have gone through your posts and you seem more of a comical person. Your style is unique.

❤️

@nonameslefttouse Hope you manage to get some rest - burnout's like the warning signal for an empty tank.

The symbol sitting on top of the gravestone in the full moon's gleam is strangely foreboding and yet alluring.

A harp without strings? A sickle? I could guess all day.

All one can do is guess. As far as I know, it's not even of this world, but I could be wrong.

take it slowly man
i am still trying to figure out the meaning of that vision

Probably won't know until we find out.

The symbol is a seven a lucky number always. I saw the other day that you're no longer being downvoted, congrats for that. Rest if you can, there is nothing wrong with silence, I can't stand the people who need to talk in every moment.

Still don't know what I'm doing. Maybe a change of scenery is in order.

Happens to us all. I had a time where picking up any sort of drawing utensil gave me crazy anxiety until I had to just put it down. It lasted for months.

There wasn’t a “moment” either where I popped out of it, it was more the house that had been my productivity got burned to the ground and had to be built back up again brick by brick.

I still have cycles. I guess it’s normal? I don’t really know.

I can't even remember the last time I picked up some pens and did it the old fashioned way. Lost interest. Never got it back.

Haven't been able to reenter the zone. Starting something new is easy. If I don't finish in a day or get distracted, tough to go back to it. All work and no fun. I'm sure it's normal. Happens all the time, then it comes back when it wants to. I have some walls to paint and for some reason that actually sounds like fun, but I hate painting walls.

Silent is the best way to express your deepens just a few can reach your inside from your silent,and you don't have to care about the others opinion focus on yours only like that you could create masterpieces.

Man. I think I'm just bored.

Might have to take a break to shovel some freakin snow!

I'll have enough time to watch it melt. I had planned to go biking all day. Maybe next weekend.

It's noon so I was thinking maybe a beer, some snow balls, and a golf club. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

Coffee, hiving, more coffee..

I don't mind yapping here. Coffee for sure though. Definitely taking a few days off of everything. Golfing snowballs man. I'll be going for round two soon and maybe actually grab a beer this time.

Snow has melted here already, should be able to get in a walk and break in my new asics.

This HIVE better perform well. I'm sick of living here...

Yeah, still one of the safest places to live in the world though. No earthquakes, tsunamis, and a low murder rate. That being said, I like to get out to Alberta 4 or 5 times a year anyways. Love the mountains, obviously.

I haven't hiked Lake Louise in a long time. Wouldn't mind going to end.

Tough to decide when the brain is blah.

I run into that quite a bit.

The opening image, being a lot of red, at first glance I saw a rose, then after reading the whole post and looking again, I see a sleeping head in the center, and I can also understand it as a thought being processed by the brain.

The nice thing about your art, first second and re-looks, can all be different and convey so many things just depending on the context of the image, and how the individual is feeling at the time.

Dreamscapes and symbolism can mean so many different things, the head stone, the moon, the symbol, the shadowy figures, all can have a lot of varied interpretations. One person could say it means this and another something just opposite. Me I would see it as looking for the key that will allow one to part the veil.

That red piece will eventually fit together with a few others that share a similar style. I started building a puzzle years ago, one piece at a time. A big project and I thought people would get sick of seeing red all the time, so it's just something I slowly pick away at now. Each piece stands alone just fine but eventually it'll all come together and be massive. I don't know if I'll ever finish.

Dream analysis is kind of pointless. I noticed everyone comes to a different conclusion as well, much like horoscopes and fortune cookies.

The burn out issue caught my eye here.
All of the symptoms are so familiar and you have to keep a close eye on your health.

Working dementedly, almost 24 hours and high stress levels created my first burnout.
It was bad, but I survived and as soon as things got better I was at it again.
I have a library in my head and can normally find a file with a word that I need with little effort.
But when the library shuts down, (I think the librarian goes on holiday), then there's nothing. Zip!

Yje second burnout was much worse and I ended up in hospital for a major operation.
An artery to my brain was blocked.
They put a hosepipe (stent) in the artery, but all of a sudden there were complications.

I am still under recovery, but now my life is different, after the Jewish professor that did the op sat me down for a chat. No More Stress it is killing you was the outcome!
I sold everything, got out and relocated. Started afresh at a leisurely pace and wonders are taking place, as I now have time for everything.

I think that your body is talking to you via the images.

Take care and a real break will do you a world of good.

Coffee, cigarettes, never knowing what day it is. Yeah. I need to slow down.

My brain library is more video, pictures, sound in the form of thought. Ran out of space again. Ever smell something that triggers a memory, but it seems like the smell doesn't exist? I think that's wires burning.

My break already had me swinging a golf club. Soon I'm going for a long-ass walk. Can't sit still. Might have to go buy some legal weed. Probably not the healthiest choice of medicine but some strains work wonders. Stress melts away.

All bad things my friend, as if I am one to talk. 2 things I haven't stopped.
Coffee and smoking.

Life goes on and we simply have to detach ourselves from the things that hold us captive.
Only when the mind is cleared, is there space for new things.

I am not preaching here as I went through the dark side myself.
Hope that you can get it right in your own way, but you have to do something about it.

I don't take it as preaching. I take it as a healthy dose of honesty, and appreciate it very much.

My pleasure and the change do not come easy, but everything of worth is never easy.

I dropped 17 years of the most passionate work and walked away from it.
Not absolutely as we still run the charity here in the new province that we relocated to, but at a much more leisurely pace. Now I have time for the things that I enjoy.

You will be amazed at what real changes can do, but somehow I think that you know that.

Take care!

I'm not worried because you will never die. Your art will love on in the hearts and minds of men!

But if you do go quiet we always notice and remember you will come back which is nice

I'm going to throw up a #Showcase-Sunday today, then maybe get quiet for a couple days at least. You'll get mentioned in this next post so don't be alarmed. Just looking back at a humorous shit post of mine.

Hehe, I never get alarmed when friends here mention my name. Only when strangers do! Lol. Might do showcase Sunday myself and do quiet too :0)

I feel for you, lately I've been flipping so often and fast between motivated/unmotivated, inspired/uninspired so much I'm not sure if it's even burnout. You say burnout and yet you are still productive. Maybe taking a moment for yourself is the only way to improve emotional burnout.
When I feel bleh I play one of the games that I have been saving for when I have more free time(basically never). And take some time in the kitchen to make myself some nice dessert xD