Why He Prefers the Girl on the Side

in #relationship8 years ago


Sorry sweetheart,

but chances are that he'd cheat on you again and again. But rather than sit down all day and judge that sexy ass sister who your boyfriend can't just get enough of, I think you should focus on the real problem. What if the real problem is not him or her or them? What if the real problem is you? You see, having relationship problems is like having malaria. Unless you get rid of the mosquitoes which are the actual cause of the illness, taking medicine will only cure for a while.

He'd prefer the side chick if:

1. You are the oh so flawless miss goody-two-shoes.

Let's call a spade a spade. It is boring. Stop it. Quit hiding the ugly behavior just because you want that dude to wife you. Seriously, girl, stop it. You are human. Embrace your flawed nature. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You never get mad at him. Sometimes you do feel like screaming and walking the hell out but no, you don't. You are an 'O yes' type of girl. You never disagree. The perfect wife material. You wash, cook, scrub, mop, iron, fetch, flush and grate. In fact, you turn yourself into a voluntary maid for him. Well, naturally, every man would want your type of girl anyway. Don't get it twisted. He will sure love you and probably put a ring on your finger but in the long run, he's still gonna crave that gangster chic with whom he wasn't ashamed to feel and be the REALEST he could be. And yes, he'd cheat on you.

2. You are monotonous.

They say variety is the spice of life. The problem with most people is that they tend to be white or black, ignoring a whole lot of other shades that abound. Don't be predictable. A monotonous life makes one so. When Zara Grett was asked to describe herself, she said and I quote:

I'm like a bowel of salad rather than a pot of stew cos in a pot of stew, you don't get to see all the ingredients but with salad, there's expression for each component.

If you do not think and act like Zara then girl, the side chick would make your man salivate. Come to think of it. Even the food we eat require DIFFERENT ingredients to make it tasty and most importantly, balanced. Be like a balanced diet, with all the necessary attitudes in the right proportion. Nullify monotony.

3. You are too serious.

I know that life can be hard on us but hey, it won't hurt to throw in a lit bit of carefree-ness and laughter once in a while. You don't have to frown and complain all the time. Don't be a grumpy cat. Is your man having money issues? Rather than listen to you bore him with stuff you read from that big ass book; you know, being all serious and shit, talking about hope that lies at the end of the tunnel and all the sermons that come with it, he'd roll with that side chick who would get high with him. She's an un-serious bitch who'd prolly take your man to club and work work work work work. They'd both be young, wild and free. They'd drink and get ugly and prolly cap it with a forget-your-worries type of sex.  Ouch.
 

4. You are a virgin.

Shocked? Yeah, you read me correctly. Most men will agree with me that dating a virgin can be pretty tiring and frustrating. Virgins make one hunger and thirst. They make a brother starve. I'm writing especially about the first class virgins. Those whose hymen AND thoughts are still pure and intact. They come into one's life with many manuals, the biggest being the Bible. To cope with them, one must 'study to show oneself approved'. Very frustrating.
 

Paint it all you want, but the reality is that in a relationship where one party denies the other any form of sexuality, the denied often cheats (with the side chick of course). This doesn't mean that virgins aren't loved by their boyfriends. No. They are loved. They are adored. Purity has a way of appealing to our soft sides. But a lover has needs that not just purity and love can fully provide. Sometimes the lover needs to make love to the loved. The feeling is mind and body blowing. It is ace! I'm sorry, but I do not know how to paint words with different shades of morality. I'm a realist.

5. You are too clingy.

Eish. Some girlfriends can be like phone networks: "everywhere you go." They stay glued to their men like a stubborn stain. Really, it can be annoying. If you are the type that doesn't give him breathing space, I fear for you. Personally, I think the ‘clingy-clingy’ syndrome is born out of low self esteem. When one is empty, one feels there is little or nothing to offer thus nurses the fear of losing a lover due to that. When your love drum is empty, you see the lover as a miracle and so you milk him dry of attention, love, care, and what not. Stop it. He's not an emotion ATM. Give as much as you get and even more. Love is vast. Have your own unique brand. Don't always suck up to him. Be emotionally independent. 


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Free love for the win. I wonder what'll happen to exclusive relationships when money ceases to be a thing. Personally I think it's the economic forces of the world that's forging exclusivity for intimate relationships. Like, marriage was something done during ancient times to cross-consolidate regional powers and more often than not, for monetary reasons. Emotions are so fleeting - an ex used to tell me "if it doesn't work out, just remember we had our good times.".

Although on a personal note, I kinda find cheating inexcusable if one enters an exclusive relationship with another - and in this case, love without sacrifice is like theft.

But, Love is an emotion and like all emotions they're meaningless.

Love for me is "extensionality", the other person being an extension - a better half, significant other as some would say.

You both guys are right I see !

that's a fucked up article catering to people who want to live like rabbits.

Sometimes I wonder if you post deliberately to polarize.

What if the real problem is not him or her or them? What if the real problem is you?

While I think it is commendable that you encourage women to look at their own behavior, this does strike me as a bit simplistic.

Most guys I know, the guys they know, and myself included, always keep an eye out for the attractive women passing by. And many of us would make a move, even if everything is otherwise ok in a relationship.

Personally I do not, because I am a man of my word, but the temptation is there, day after day.

I believe this to be a normal expression of male sexuality (so maligned these days) and perfectly healthy behavior for a man with a sex drive.

It does not mean one has to go through with it - and more to the point here, it does not mean our partner is lacking in something - it is just how we are wired.

Yeah, the desire for variety will always be there. Men and women alike. I think having children effects womens stability that way more than a lot of men. Just an assumption of course.

Sometimes people end up having mismatched sex drives, or one is more kinkier than the other. If they cant work it out, or one or the other refuses to even try, than people may seek out someone who does to be their long-term affair partner.

Third reason is feeling taken for granted, knowing one is unappreciated by their partner...then comes along someone who does.

Case by case, who knows if cheating is a "two-way street" or not.

I definitely believe there are people who can be monogamous til they die, why not?

Seriously people? Is that a good article?
To all WOMEN here, please stop adding this list to all other shit media, patriarchal society biases and advertising tries to push on you AGAIN and AGAIN, until it snowballs in huge confidence-complex. What the fuck?
So what if you are any of the above? If that's you then that's you, if it bring you value and a life you enjoy living, so what?
Changing for a man? for fear of not being left for a "side-chick"? Listen to beyonce and respect yourself.
This is a sad article, written by a sad woman-hater.

I completely agree with you. The next step is to blame victims of rape. Is the same. It is only at different levels.

"Most men will agree with me that dating a virgin can be pretty tiring and frustrating. Virgins make one hunger and thirst. They make a brother starve. I'm writing especially about the first class virgins. Those whose hymen AND thoughts are still pure and intact. They come into one's life with many manuals, the biggest being the Bible. To cope with them, one must 'study to show oneself approved'. Very frustrating."

  • Realist?! " What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you think it's kind of fucked up to post something like this? Are you trying to present this as a fucking fact? You want your daughter to come across this bullshit when her first boyfriend is calling less and trying to get in her pants when she isn't ready? How dare you say that unless you are having sex with a dude they are going to be cheating on you?

There is enough pressure on young females to become sexually active and the few who abstain from it until they are mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibilities of having a sexual relationship are far better off statistically in the long run than girls who are lured into abandoning their innocence before their minds have the ability to deal with the strong feelings that are unavoidable once we step over that line.

**You think a few steem dollars are worth such a untasteful and entirely false bunch of information? **


VIRGINS

Please do not let this ignorant stuff influence things that will effect the rest of your life.

  • There are guys out there who aren't pathetic and do know how to respect women. They are more than willing to wait for the day when they and their partner are 100% ready for sex. If some douche bag is off humping legs instead of being "lame" chillin with you and not touching his crotch then trust me young ladies - LET HIM GO. Do not give yourself so completely to anyone for the simple fact of keeping their interest. If they are worth it, they will be interested in more than boobies and tra-la-las.

A lot of this article just reads as shaming women into changing themselves so that their boyfriend won't cheat. If one party is cheating, the real problem is with them.

I'm not saying it's wrong for a woman who's being cheated on to look at her own behavior, but it's ridiculous and insulting to suggest that she's more at fault than the unfaithful asshole.

I dated my high school boyfriend on and off for six years before I met my husband. For the first two years we dated, I was a virgin, and so was he. When we finally "did it," it was MY idea, because I was finally ready, and wanted to do it (of course, he was extremely happy). I never worried about him cheating. Then again, I'm pretty much a "free will" kind of person....if he'd wanted to have sex with someone else, but still be in a relationship with me, that would have been fine. I feel the same way about my husband.

My husband was glad I wasn't a virgin when we got married, because he said virgins were a lot of trouble. But, he also wouldn't have broken up with me if I HAD been one. I don't think the virgin thing is as big a deal as some people make it. One thing is sure, though, and that's NO woman should feel pressured into having sex before she's ready, just to keep a man's interest.

While this is a simplistic view, I can agree with the aspects listed... each instance is different. Cheating can be as simple as being horny and opportunistic, or peppered with feelings of neglect/resent/boredom/feeling trapped, etc. etc.

Although, one thing I do disagree with is saying that the person being cheated on is the problem. Regardless of relationship issues, people should respect their SO enough to at least end the relationship before seeking thrills through someone else.

Although, one thing I do disagree with is saying that the person being cheated on is the problem.

Blaming the 'victim' seems to me be saying everyone has to be an addicted swinger, else they are a floormat. That seems to be attempting to shame everyone into one addictive decadence. It seems to completely ignore that nature is a plethora of strategies.

#6. You wear the pants in the relationship. He cheats to feel dominant somewhere in his life.

Actually, this article reminds me of the time I read Dept of Speculation by Jenny Offill. And I think of how I felt when a close friend told me how many times she'd cheated on her living-together boyfriend, how it seemed dishonest of her and made me wonder if I knew her the way I thought I did.

While there's nothing wrong with throwing out a few reasons why you might be such a shitty gf that you're begging to be cheated on, it would be more well-rounded to show more sides of the issue. There are a whole lot more reasons why people cheat and or cheated on. In some ways, I think it's irresponsible to imply that he cheats because she is failing him. That's never the whole story. It's also mean and petty to take such easy pot shots. I don't mean any offense, just that this could be a really good article instead of just a biased rant.

This post reminds me of an ancient Hebrew proverb...

For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey,
and her mouth is smoother than oil.
But in the end she is as bitter as poison,
as dangerous as a double-edged sword.

Come on men. Don't be short sighted and ruled by your dick. Be a one-woman-man and give your kids an example of loyalty, faithfulness and commitment.

@msgivings

Amost all people cheat on each other either physically or mentally. We are serially monogamous creatures thus we can be swayed left and right when one cycle ends and another one begins.

Nature hasn't actually programmed us for non-cheating. We would be extinct if it did.

No matter what the case, if you're in an "exclusive" relationship with someone and they have sex with someone else then it's not your fault. It makes them a dishonest person. This article makes people feel bad who have had their partner cheat on them, that's not right. Don't blame yourself, blame the lack of honesty you had in your relationship, blame society for forcing a relationship model on your that doesn't make sense.

@misgivings is promulgating social decadence. He advising men and women to destroy their productivity and spend all their time on unproductive animalism.

Whales upvoting this shit over and over again.

Because the only thing that matters in life is productivity? And it's impossible to have a relationship with two women and still be productive?

Because the only thing that matters in life is productivity? And it's impossible to have a relationship with two women and still be productive?

Thanks for confirming the West is decadent. I will be off this Steemshipt asap. I'll be headed East and South where traditional productive values are and where the economic future is headed. And billions more people also. Goodbye Westerners. You are coming irrelevant because of this cultural disease.

LOL. Becoming irrelevant because we've become efficient enough to continue leading the world economy while working less and actually enjoying our lives?

Have fun working yourself to death!

If you as an individual are efficient enough to do that, then I am not speaking to you. You would be exceptional. But for the average person, you are promoting their failure.

And this blog post attempts to shame average women into not being good wives and supporting a hard working average husband.

Unfortunately most of the affluence you think we have in the West, is a debt bubble. The reality is going to be realigned over the next 5 - 15 years.

If this is what you are passing on to our youth in the West, they are doomed. They need to work hard and be productive instead.

I hope you realize that the majority of the world's population is going to be repulsed by the values and useless theoretical/philosophical time-wasting crap being promoted as prominent here in Steem.

I've read and re-read this one and have come back a couple times. I''ve thought a bit on the one question I have for any women reading this so here goes and don't hate me:

Are you really attracted to a man that wont or can't cheat?

The question isn't my twisted means to justify cheating, like I know a lot of guys would use/say/preach.

I'm someone who wont, till the day I die.

A man that other women want becomes instantly more attractive.

To you, not the rest of the rational world.

Did you ever think that as someone that thinks that monogamy is a lie, and has destroyed your own relationships, that maybe your not the person to be giving people advice on this type of stuff?

Honest answer...but it wasn't really an answer to the question I asked :)

A man that other women are fucking is not desirable to a woman who is focusing on being able to raise a family and family values.

You are speaking to the hindbrain of the woman, and focusing on animalism. Did we develop big brains for nothing?

We can leverage this animalism to some extent but we also have to contend with competition from other humans with big brains and more productively organized cultures. War and economic defeat may extinct those who prioritize animalism over productivity. Then again, we need some of our animalism to diversify the gene pool. So life is a complex mix, but I am appalled that you tried to shame all women into unmitigated addictive decadence. No wonder you won't tell us your real name.

I think a man who couldn't cheat at all would have to be extremely undesireable. I get what you mean tho, the more other people value anything the more valuable it (or they) become.

You know...sometimes having an affair can end up making the person a better spouse or parent, ironically. It can put that feeling of vitality back in them, among other things...

some people are just love-junkies, always need the spark every once in awhile...be it in two months or until the classic seven year itch. All kinds of people in this world.

yeah right, you're a love junkie, you're better off after you break the trust you have with someone by cheating on them... keep saying it, it might start to sound right

I didn't say it was the better way to be. I think it can make some people who are unhappy in their relationships feel happier. Maybe it's an ugly truth, sure. Not everyone commits to people for the good reasons, and people change.

This article itself is whatever but the upvotes are disturbing.

If men really think this way, then why do they get jealous when their girlfriend/wife/lover looks at another guy or worse...gasp!...sleeps with someone else?
Do we have a double standard here, guys?
Or is it simply that you want to do whatever you want to do with whomever you want to do it with--and not have anybody call you out about it?
Decide what you really want? No monogamy? Then don't call women sluts if they do the same thing.

I'm surprised this article was taken so seriously. It's obviously meant to create extreme reactions on all sides of the issue, thus encouraging endless debate and a bigass bankroll for the author regardless of his or her true opinion on the subject. It's a cheap strategy, but it's working!

That being said, I feel like the debate is sort of irrelevant. Everyone's got their own preferences in a relationship - one man's frump could be another man's dream woman. Unfortunately, this article paints the "undesirable SO" as an abjectly miserable person to be around, regardless of who you are, and using archetypes like "the boring humorless virgin salad eater who hates everything good and free in the world" was more of an attempt to troll for people's reactions than a literal formula for what causes cheating. We all know it can happen for a variety of reasons, and sometimes no reason at all. This person's personal preference is just not a virgin salad eater.

Which begs the question: If someone really felt this way, why not just be honest and do yourself and salad-woman both a favor and end it - make side chick your main chick, and let salad-woman go find someone who she's more compatable with. All of you will be happier for it.

I find this whole "article" extremely shallow in it´s "analysis". And bordering on plain sexist. Is the point to guilt trip women for men cheating and let men of the hook? That is the impression I get. If you intended to communicate a different message,then sorry dude,epic fail.

I draw three conclusions from this article.

1. You are a misogynist.

2. Misogynism seems to be profitable.

3. Monogamy sucks,and if you can´t follow the rules,don´t do it. Be polyamorous and have sex with others without being an asshole.

@msgivings i really hope you never become a relationship counselor. I don't want to think the emotional damage you would do to the women coming to your for an advice about how to deal with a cheating man. I understand that you want to start some kind of discussions but let me tell you something:

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Yeah, but she thinks monogamy is a social construct. So not cheating is wrong in her eyes. lol

I am not against polyamory, it's done by consensus. I have a problem with the fact that we, women, have to change ourselves just to keep a cheater. the irony, duh.

The problem is you want monogamy but you also want a cheater. They are choices you make. You are choosing to change your self to stay with a cheater. You could choose to not stay with a cheater if you wanted. Try to find someone that isn't a cheater.
I know you would hate to think it but most people want monogamy.
I know a lot of people don't like it when I say it but a lot has to do with K selected vs R selected behavior.

What are K selected and R selected behavior?

I think you misunderstand me. I was saying I dont judge people who practice polyamory. its kinda different from cheating. Cheating is not done by consensus. Polyamory on the other hand.

Oh, I don't judge people for it. They can do what they want imo.

The whole "its a social construct" thing is used as moral jusitfacation for why its ok to do things the person saying it disagrees with. im not saying you are doing that. but the people blaming things on social constructs are, you can tell when you ask them to elaborate on the statements they make about the things they do. Its all mental gymnastics imo.

You said "women, have to change ourselves just to keep a cheater" so I thought you were talking about cheaters.

There's a difference between thinking monogamy is a social construct and thinking cheating is the right thing to do. Most polyamorous people think it should be open and honest, rather than the dishonesty created by cheating.

trying to talk in this mess is hard, I made a new post with my response so we can talk there and it wont be so difficult.

https://steemit.com/steemit/@skeptic/talking-with-telos-about-cheating-and-monogamy

talk to u soon! xD

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to call monogamy a lie counts as anti-monogamy correct? if you say it is a social construct and a lie is that not the same as saying that it is wrong?
I will answer the k vs r in a sec. sorry my response is taking so long. been on mabi a bit.

Sure, but thinking monogamy is wrong is not the same as thinking cheating is right. Cheating is dishonest, lying and sneaking behind someone's back. Being anti-monogamy means you're open and honest that you won't be monogamous, so you wouldn't cheat because there's no expectation of not sleeping with other people.

I may be too tired to write coherent sentences... :/

I can agree with anti monogamy doesn't = cheating.

I also think if you believe in anti-monogamy that you cant believe that cheating is a real thing because it would also be a social construct if monogamy is a social construct. So there for the only wrong doing would be the guilt or the lies that come from trying to make monogamy work by people that don't believe in it.

so I don't think someone can be anti-monogamy and anti-cheating at the same time. must choose one reality not 2 that oppose each other.

I also think if you believe in anti-monogamy that you cant believe that cheating is a real thing because it would also be a social construct if monogamy is a social construct.

Cheating is being dishonest with your partner. Social construct or not, most can agree it's wrong to be dishonest to a romantic partner. Even monogamous people who have been cheated on often report that the sex itself isn't what bothered them, it was the lies and deceit.

So when you're anti-monogomy and anti-cheating you're really anti-monogomy and anti-dishonesty. Which I would argue is the feelings of most polyamorous people. In fact, extreme honesty is very important for it to work! Furthermore, polyamorous people make different agreements and can still cheat by breaking those agreements. For instance, hypothetically a couple could agree to an open relationship with the requirement that condoms always be used with other partners. If one partner then has unprotected sex they have cheated, because they broke the terms of their agreement.

Cheating is being dishonest with your partner.

Not necessarily. Sometimes not saying something is the best for your partner, thus is being honest with yourself. You argue against monogamy in favor of freedom, yet then you try to argue that I have to be dishonest with myself to lock myself into a jail having to tell another person everything I am doing and thinking. Hopefully you see the logical inconsistency in your stance. It depends on your perspective and goals. For example, you might wish for your wife to remain happy and productive rearing her (your) kids and be free of stress. You might also be out there fulfilling your evolutionary strategy at the same time impregnating some other females. It depends. But can you be sure you can accomplish it. Each person will have to weigh their options and realistic abilities.

What concerns me is a blog trying to shame everyone into being a swinger. Not everyone needs to have the same strategy and perspective in life.

It seems a non-sequitor promulgated here is that is okay to fall into a life of shared jail of addictive decadence for as long as both partners tell each other everything and convert both of themselves into addicts together. I don't personally find that to be optimum solution to anything. But to each his own.

8D
Have a great night!

so if you cheat on your significant other and tell them honestly about it even tho they don't like the fact that your doing it, its ok and not cheating because you where honest about it? can you honestly and openly cheat on someone?

It's an agreement you reach beforehand and you negotiate the rules so everyone is comfortable. If your partner agrees to it but doesn't like it then she is actually being dishonest with you, and do you really want a relationship with someone who is dishonest with you?

Cheating is dishonest, lying and sneaking behind someone's back.

I replied to you in another comment about this. You won't see it on your Replies.

a lot has to do with environment, things can sometimes change from r to k depending on situation of environment. r and k often mix, it usually isn't mutual tho, k wants monogamy and to slowly rais a kid to be another k where r just wants to bang and make babies. r does not care about the raising of the offspring like k does. a lot has to do with how you were raised too. if you are raised by a k family chances are you will strive for the same. r grows up in single familyhomes where momma is popin out babies with mutipule people in a life time so r does not have the ability to become a k even if it wants to, all r knows is r behavior. r will strive to get k because they want the stability but the second another k comes around r is swept to the side because k knows r is not able to stay monogamous and that is not what k is looking for. its kind of like the intro to idiocracy. 8D the stupid breed offten while the smart take their time.

a lot has to do with how you were raised too

That would explain why I have experimented with both R and K strategies myself. I had both influences in my childhood.

No, but Im talking about a situation where there is a monogamous couple and one person decides after reading a post about how monogamy is a social construct that they will tell the other parson in the relationship their monogamy is a lie and its like chains that hold you down in life and that they are going to have sex with someone else and the other person doesn't like it, after the asshole does it they tell the other and drama happens for a week then cools down then repeat. I have watched a couple friends openly cheat on their wifes and the wifes hate it but the couple never seems to break up, just fight daily. because they are honest about it, is it still cheating?

It seems like you're stuck on the specifics of the word "dishonesty." You're right, the person in your example is being honest... and he's being emotionally abusive, and he's cheating. Relationships are an agreement and she has not agreed to an open relationship, so he is violating the rules of their agreement. That is called cheating.

Realistically, all relationships are societal constructs. The problem is that society has come to expect monogamy as a sort of "default" rather than making it an open negotiation. So because the unspoken rules of dating in our society state monogamy, having sex with another person is cheating those unspoken rules. One person can not unilaterally change the terms of an agreement however, so it's still cheating to declare new terms and act under those without the other person's agreement.

Ethical non-monogamy (aka polyamory) is about being open and honest when starting a relationship as well as throughout. Under this paradigm you discuss the terms of the relationship before entering into a relationship, and continue to do so during the relationship. It's about agreeing and sticking to the rules of said agreement, and renegotiating them and coming to a new agreement if the rules no longer suit the participants.

Also, your friends are assholes. :)

We do outlaw multiple party marriages. Stupid. If you want multiple partners by all means go for it, but, I can barely deal with the wife most of the time and dating wasn't much better.

lol! your comment gave me a huge smile! 8D

Lol paying alimony and child support to multiple women.

why don't you respond to people?
I have been waiting for days for a response to one of your posts. I am not the only person either.
I have a lot of questions and think it would show great character on your part if you checked out my response and made one back so your followers and myself can fully understand your position on this subject better.
https://steemit.com/responce/@skeptic/a-responce-to-monogamy-is-a-lie

I will be making a response to this. I hope you reply to the other response I made on one of your other posts then after that hopefully you will reply to the new response I am making to this post. thank you hope you have a wonderful evening.

I love reading feedback @skeptic but keep in mind it's just my opinion or personal perspective. I did read your response post, or most of it. I didn't respond because your analsys was over my head. I don't think about it that deeply! ;)

To tell you the truth my viewpoint can easily change from day to day. Go figure!

I understand you point of view can change, that is a good thing.
still think you have a lot of questions that are going un answered. by myself and a lot of your followers.
I do not understand how my analsys was over your head. It is line for line with simple questions after each line. if you just don't want to reply to the questions and points it would be a lot easier to just say it.

ok I wont be making another response to this post. I think my first response covers most of the bases on this post too. why do you think we all need to stop being monogamous? please respond to my post responding to your monogamy is a lie post. myself and others have been waiting days to understand your point of view.

Her posts are about what she thinks...not what you think :)

yes and my response is just a bunch of questions I am asking to try to understand her point of view. If they are really her point of view she should be able to elaborate on why she says things right?

In some ways it's better to be the side piece. You get the best of the person. And maintenance money.

So, I mean I really don't like this, but I wouldn't want to flag it, but blah. I made it this far. But interesting take on things.

I really appreciate how the topic was phrased so provocatively. The "other woman" has been scorned unjustly for a long time.

People always had affairs, in all of history. It was pretty much a given and expected. Often more acceptable for males of course but the lives of women weren't as documented through history.

In some cultures affairs are normal. 50% of marriages or something.

WOW! that is a lot of drivel. not just in the article but the comments too.

I am/was a cheater, so no holds barred there. my wife and i survived, but lets face it, Monogomy is an atiquated notion. Polyamory, Swinging, Open relationships, that is the future. We went through a long period of discovery and adjustment, and believe that if more couples had open or swinging relationships there would be a lot less divorce.

Separate sex from intimacy, the act from love, and you will have a much richer, open and truly loving union.

Then WTF is sex then? Just a physical act? Connect yourself to a masturbation machine. You are just feeding your addictions, that is all. Yeah we can all adjust and learn to be addicted. But what is the fucking point? Hey raise your hand if you can be an addict too.

Like any addiction, you'll need to ramp up the thrill, so you can't be too far from fucking dogs in the ass and having a horse fuck your wife and rip her vagina to shreds.

Edit: apparently you two are not doing the sexual acts to create pregnancies. So this isn't sex as an R strategy (see @skeptic).

Personally, I think the ‘clingy-clingy’ syndrome is born out of low self esteem.

It can be because you haven't given her a baby to cling on yet.

Why are you trying to destroy the nurturing instinct of the female? What kind of Frankenstein society do you Germans always want!

I love my girlfriend =)

nice post. i enjoy reading this

If he cheats once, leave him. There is nothing to it. You don't need to fight for somebody who will probably infect you with HIV.
Let's be realistic - he will not chose to date one, but many - how much of your health are you ready to sacrifice?
Do you need this sort of love?
And love is not war, it is not something you can win.
It is, or it is not.
That's how I see it.

Ребята и девчата, на нашей планете, мы пытаемся придумывать для себя объяснения вроде тех, что описано выше. На самом деле мы потеряли самих себя, и хотим чтобы кто-то возместил эту потерю. Мы лишены памяти прошлого, материальная жизнь этому способствует. Нам кажется, что уж в этой жизни, мы точно найдем то самое счастье, которое для себя придумали. Не найдем, потому что мы уже долгое время крутимся в колесе воплощений, и каждый раз сталкиваемся с одними и теми мужчинами и женщинами. Будет это до тех пор, пока не произойдет осознание себя, не как материальной плоти, рожденной мамой с папой, а как Личности, когда-то созданной Богом. Что это значит? Это значит, что пора оценивать себя с точки зрения: "что я, как Божественная Личность, из себя представляю, что я делаю, и зачем я это делаю". Если я играю в игры, которые здесь приняты, в том числе под названием "любовь", то я должен понимать ответственность не с точки зрения оценки людей и общества, а с точки зрения, - какое будущее я для себя готовлю. Потому что придется отдавать долги, а это очень болезненный процесс.

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

I don't care how many whales have upgoted this article; I can't upgoted it enough. Well said.

This cis exactly what's wrong with the world. Marry the sweetheart but then cheat on her because she's sweet. Idiotic.

None of this is an excuse for cheating. If you want to cheat than leave.
This is just plain stupid let alone fucked up. Dishonesty is dishonesty. Not every man is a sexually aggressive kinkster.

I for one want a rough, kinky guy.

I've been with a lot of vanilla guys and it's not my thing. But, women who are should seek out men who are they exist I've been with them and they bore me to tears.

But, it's who they are and they are now with vanilla women. And I found the kinky guy I want. No cheating necessary.

So, I didn't want to vote for this. I am happily waiting for it to drop off the trending list. At the last minute I decided, if I felt that impacted, I should at least give it a vote. Damn.

This is pretty rude. Downvoting seems to be broken.