I've been going to this gym since we got where we're at now in January. Hi! I'm about to run the wheels right off this one but before we get rollin, it's important to mention life's pret-t-fuk-n-gud when all that's left to cry about is the culty culture at the gym.
Because what should be more harder than the death
Says the caption on the TV on the right.
Because what's a gym without a televised pope parading around Vatican City?
Said the author on the delivering side of these censures.
And those two ladies on the elliptical machines to the left; they stood in the middle of that aisle with their hands resting on each others shoulders, head to head, faces pointed at the ground, praying together longer than they'll exercise those machines together.
They only have three channels in The South—sports - politics - religion. In that order, too.
I'm Christian, by the way. Not sure I've disclosed that info because it shouldn't concern you like whether or not you're wearing matching socks right now doesn't concern me. I'm hip to all that New Testament stuff. Religious, however, like it's an architectural marvel with priceless art and crucifixes hanging on the walls so the people inside are good.
Hell no.
Have a blessed workout!
I got my earbuds in, they're maxed out before I open the door. I've heard what comes out of their face so many times at the reception desk as guests or I enter the facility that although my earbuds are cranked up as loud as they'll go, their lips mutter the same six syllables clear as holy water (4, 5, mhm 6), "have a blessed workout!"
They don't say blessed with a normal 'ed' on it, either, like guessed or pressed or anything else past tense. Their 'ed' is its own syllable and is pronounced "it."
Have a bless-it workout!
Don't tell me what to do!!!!
Jesus Is My Savior
Says the front of dudes bright red shirt doing tricep extensions on the pull-down cables.
Trump Is My President
Says the back.
Make
America
Great
Again
Says a completely different dudes hat on the other side of the gym curling dumbbells.
If the imagination you brought to the internet with you today painted each of the above mentioned characters white, you're on
Fire!
Wake on up from your stubborn (extend stubborn about 2 seconds—stuuuubborn). Open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your stuuuubborn. Open up your eyes. Wake on up from your stuuuubborn. Open up your eyes
Says the Bose powered, Dolby digital surround sound emanating from every fourth ceiling tile.
My earbuds don't go loud enough. I can't escape it. What happens is, I focus so much on my earbuds trying to rebuke the gospel in the ceiling I lose count. Happens all the time. I'll forget what set I'm on sometimes, too, but that's probably the weed.
Always
It's never not gospel music. I've been in here at all times—open 24 hours. 4:30 am or 10:50 pm, doesn't matter, gospel music. Not once have I walked in all Hallelujah!! cuz something else was in the ceiling like Christian rock even, anything other than gospel but nope, not once. I'll let you know if they evolve.
When The Lord asked me to walk with him I said yeeeeessss (carry both yes's about 3 seconds) I said yeeeeessss.
(They changed the music)
I forgot what set I'm on.
For Christ sake!
That was probably four. I always do four sets of 13. And four exercises. 4-1-3-4. I'm weird about numbers. I don't kneel on calculators minus 10% annual income divided by 52 in the weekly offering or anything but weird nonetheless.
Alright, well, I'm burnin up. Need to charge my earbuds anyway, I'm outta here—blasphemy! There's plenty of juice in these earbuds. Truth is, I can't do more than an hour and 40 days and 40 nights in here regardless if the last couple minutes are spent painfully waiting for personnel at the reception desk to look the other way so I don't have to hear them compete with the speaker in the ceiling.
Have a bless-it day!
Blessit be thy post this post. I hate to say you are right. You have found yourself right smack bang in the middle of a cult.
It could just that it's a themed gym. Yoh know like you get theme parties and hotels. Why not a gym. Maybe those elliptical aunties are actually part of the props. They could even be robots, I mean did you get up and close to really check if they are not? Just a thought, I mean I could be wrong, I doubt it, but there is a tiny possibility.
!LOLZ
I prayed for smarts and here you are! It's a miracle!
What's up Ms. Pants, been a little while. Thanks for keeping an eye on me.
It's the only one of its kind. Gospel, 25/8, ridiculous. Know what it does? It makes me all judgy and I develop less than neighborly thoughts about the people in there working out; talking and exercising and carrying on like Mornal without earbuds!
Hallelujah! The Lord said, let there be smart pants to spread the gospel with brother dan, And so it was! Amen! - i the blasphemy; I'm also of good faith, but not this one, so hoping the Lord sees this as humour! I sued to love talking like an over-excited preacher when I was younger! I used to practice my grade school orals in this way, which made it more exciting!
The pants are good. Also trying to fit in some bless-it workouts! How are you Dan the Man?
25/8 - repeat x 3 or 5? Why are sets generally in odd numbers? Earbuds, pfft. They are so overrated. I say this because I have oddly shaped ears and they can't stay in! I'm not jealous you are!
Only great if that counts. I hope you're even better. I sure do appreciate me some of your visits, though.
Good question about the sets. I do four sets of whatever muscle I'm working on but, yeah, I think I'm the only one. Seems three is the norm.
What do you mean by trying? Let's talk about this.
Odd shaped ears, huh? What? SAY AGAIN.
Smooooocch!
Haha no trouble here. I enjoy your crazy rants. The voice of another cynic! So I check up on the authors that interest me. Too many blah blah posts. I want me sone banter!
My ears are small man! You won't notice if you just look at them. From the outside they look like pretty stock standard ears. Nothing unusual. But I can't wear any earphones. Only the inear ones with the standard rounded fitting fits. The rest just fall out. I have not received a pair with my phone that I could actually use. I can't get them to stay and the just hurt when I try. If I'm honest I have not tried the buds, I just know they won't fit though! Years of rejection I mean experience, tells me my ears are a minority size!
I'm shocked. I didn't know. I have to re-evaluate my perception of you. sighs
The more I hear about certain things southern, the more it disturbs me. Maybe I've lived where I do too long. I couldn't do the gym there dude; it's worse in pictures than I pictured.
The way you've judged me, you must be Catholic. = }
There's that filter thing again, dammit!
Whaddup! I just left your other comment. Not sure I'm I'm in the appropriate character for this one yet but at least I know what side of the fence I'm on (that typo suggests otherwise).
We all have issues.
I studied world religions in college, too, add that to your thesis, and my senior of high school I earned college English credits by assisting Mr. Sharps Bible study home room class.
Been in so many churches, too. Seen'em do the fish where they fall on the ground and flop around and little altar boys come through and cover them up with white sheets as they flop on the ground.
Catholic Church is so twisted, historically, everything they've covered up, I can hardly recognize my phone when some shit comes on the noose and the pope has something to say—unsubscribe. I've been to that church, too, the Vatican, where nuns usher homeless people off their church steps for begging.
Go figure. A tax free joint with unlimited resources and Oferte collections at every candle, art, doorway (even the toilet) and they don't want beggars on their property. "Hypocrites!"
A winded way of saying I'm cool with Jesus, fuck all that other shit.
We're fairly removed from the hustle and bustle. The next closest gym is 8.7 miles away... 23 minute drive each way... 46 total plus 2 hours inside, shower, et cetera and I lose a couple hours I could spend with Atlas.
Cross-es my mind eternally.
Is that a gym or a snapshot from hell?
Gym. I know, confusing. Pat Benetar's in the ceiling in hell.
My goodness @dandays, you are so funny, can I get an AMEN.
Now I know why I could never live in the south. The bullboards and they are full of bull start about halfway down to Florida. Praise Jesus! We are all sinners!
We laugh OUT loud when we see 'em. Then the Trump signs, they make me spit up in my mouth. Things are just wacky. Thanks for the chuckles.
You are most welcome farm-mom, I'm glad you got to see this one. Laughed out loud, even. I so appreciate that. Thanks for telling me.
That guy was just found guilty for sexual misconduct and slander and these people still fly his flag. Women even. Men with daughters even!
About half the billboards here are A fetus is a life and the other half are sex shops.
Well both are about multiplying, after all
The world is going mad I say!
Thanks for the chuckle @dandays, that Trump tshirt 😄 🤣 Glad I came here this morning, my shoulder is sore again and I have an idea what they would be saying to me! We have those lost souls here as well, as if they're trying to convince themselves that they are blessed indeed! As a Christian myself (I'm not religious by the way) and it really peeves me, as they actually chase non-believers away.
Oops, could not resist that comment!
Glad I stepped back in time to see what you've been up to.
Yes I'm still here, watching from the sidelines even though I'm late to the party😉
Go flex those muscles, put on the earphones and have a bless-it workout!
PS I think your mind works out even more when at this particular gym, there's a lot to process🙈🙉🙊
Wishing you and Pura a fabulous weekend 😘
Good eye...
Hello, sweet Lizelle. I enjoy dishing out some humor and they make it easy around here. I'm glad you enjoyed this one, thank you.
They're so over the top. Praise Jesus, amen, hallelujah is all you hear. It's everywhere. Wanna know what else they have here more than anywhere else in the United States?
Sex shops.
I'm not making this up.
Completely normalized and lit up in bright lights for all road traffic to see as I type this; there's a billboards the size of a garage door on both sides of every freeway with half that says something about A fetus is not a choice and the other half is directions to the friendly neighborhood sex store appropriately named Adam & Eve.
Amen!
Hubby thinks I've lost all my marbles, laughing hysterically at my phone.
Shall I say something - I'm not surprised!
= }
Haha hope your gym went well ?
It did, thank you. Aside from judging everyone else in there like a typical Christian, of course.
Wait was it real gyming or you cracking a joke as usual ?
Fuck yes! Coolest thing I read all day. As much as I shouldn't admit it, I laugh at funerals. I know, I should probably keep that to myself.
Funny, thank you.
Authentic, absolutely.
That's my gym these days, Fredaig, a buncha judgy white, far-right Christian extremists whose license plates say shit like "Pro Life" and have aborted fetuses pictured on them.
Hilarious, I know, and 100% true.
Hahaha!! Lolzzzz i know when you cracking a joke🤣
= } All you have to do is go anywhere and watch. They make it easy, watch..
We just got back from a wedding where the bridesmaid was a guinea pig. Not that kinda guinea pig like you're thinking, I mean an actual guinea pig like you get at a pet store. A stinky ass full-grown rodent that the maid of honor cradled in her arms at the altar during the ceremony. Guess what else?
I'm totally serious.
And have evidentiary photos.
Who takes a guinea pig to a wedding 🤣🤣🤣 some kinda pet, please send photos let me see how funny she looks
Very funny, as usual. Even when you're ranting, you're entertaining.
I love gospel music, and I'm not even Christian. Someone told me recently that the melodies can be played on only the black keys of a piano. I have yet to check that out. Hang on, lemme try it with Amazing Grace.... Yup! in F sharp. So back to you, or wait, was it me? Right, me. I loathe gyms of any kind. Maybe what I need is some good old Gospel music to get me in the mood for exercising in a room full of smelly, body obssessed, counting humans. I think I would prefer being in a church though, another place I rarely go. But, you do you!
I appreciate that, thank you. I'm the biggest sinner in this conversation if I said I can tell the difference between Comedy Open Mic and Rant.
You know, for someone who's not Christian, you're a helluva judge. = }
Organ obsessed, if anything, but even that's an exaggeration. But all that stuff we can't see like lungs, heart, kidneys, liver, et cetera, is why I'm in there every day.
You're the best Owasco, thank you.
It's my pleasure.
So, since I feel like I may have offended you, and offending someone will soon be illegal if its not already, I want to tell you something.
The real reason I don't go to gyms is because I never feel like I'm up to snuff on the fashion requirements.
Offend me?!? Do you, WHAT! Have mercy on your soul!
No way. Especially if I post in rant or comedy, I promise you can't get through my skin. I love me some Owasco visits, really. You hold a special place here so when I make you laugh, I did something good.
OMGod, such a fashion show. I don't wanna sound too braggy but as you know we've been around a little bit so I've been in a lot of them. San Mateo, California and Rome, Italy... I swear the girls in there rock $800 uniforms daily and never rock the same one twice.
I'm the dude in the same shorts as yesterday, grass stained shoes cuz I mowed the yard and earbuds that won't go loud enough!
I didn't really feel I had offended you. Ok maybe a teensy bit, so good to know. I won't hold back anymore.
I sure don't mind the compliments though man. Thanks for the appreciation and sweetness! It's mutual.
I have to confess that I do go to a gym, the local Y, to take tai chi classes. For that one, I have a slew of shoes, not for the look, but so that I can better do it. Anything helps there, anything. I try one pair for a week or two, decide they suck, and order another pair. The latest pair, a jazz shoe and not delivered yet, cost me quite a bundle. We'll see. If I can't use them for tai chi, they'll come in handy when I'm in a musical. All the kids wear them, so I'll be really hip.
I don't know why tai chi works so well. Even though I have no idea what I am doing, and I keep my eyes glued on the instructor because I can't remember anything (it all looks the same to me), and I am about as relaxed as a rabid dog, I felt significantly stronger after the first few classes. My balance is much better. And the best part? 90% of the students are over sixty. I fit right in. Except for the shoes.
Do you have any idea how difficult it was to read that and not instinctually say chai tea to myself all three times I read tai chi?!
Impossible. That's how. And now this water sucks. Damn you, pensioner!
Sorry. I understand. I hate chai tea. ugh ugh ugh.
A Christian!? In a gym. What in the fling flang is the world coming to!! 😀
I demand to see your socks immediately!
Whaddup! Much thanks Boom.
Wow, I'd say "Holy shit" but it may not be the best post to do that as I don't know who will appear here and feel offended ;)
I'm officially Christian too btw, but besides being forced to some masses as a child and helping the priest as a mass servant for a while during school hours (that was the only reason I signed up, to miss school) I never had anything with religion.
Anyway, have a bless-it day sir! :)
!PIMP
"Holy shit." It's totally acceptable. = }
You painted that scene so well. My cousins grew up the same way. Alter boys and girls and school and Sunday and.. I spent a couple summers with them.
Those Sunday's were the loooonngest of the year.
<3
Thank gawd it is!
I remember feeling tricked when the first time my help was needed was on a Sunday, MORNING ff sake! I was like this is not what I signed up for!
The worst thing (this is actually nothing to laugh about, but the truth) is that the classmate that I usually had to do this with and myself could not really deal with the situation. Us not being religious by heart and having to sit inside a church with a priest rambling about things we had no interest in and then looking at each other starting to laugh. This is not the worst thing with a wedding but with a funeral, it's not convenient if you can't hold it in.
When I noticed this was a re-occurring situation, I said I'd stop helping because I just didn't know how to act in that situation and it was definitely not for me.
It had nothing to do with what was going on but purely started when we had to wear these gowns and got instructed every time (us forgetting it immediately due to lack of real interest) .. this was not my best decision lol, but at least it made being in school more appealing :) and gave me back my Sunday mornings.
Have a great week sir! <3
No way, that was you?? Crack a couple Bible jokes and all the freaks come out. = }
So you're hip to all that this is my body, this is my blood stuff. I was never allowed to partake. Not cool enough, I guess. Or ostracized, they never really said.
Always a pleasure when you stop by.
In Jesus name we pray.
I've heard it all now, except I most certainly haven't...
Now I'm a Marks and Spencers sock wearing atheist who genuinely loves gospel music but hates gyms, a hatred only surpassed by my infinite hatred of Christian rock.
So my perplexed state is brought about you being darn Sarf, where having black skin, I believe is like having a target on your back yet, the only gospel worth listening is from an amazing black voice, or voices. I dislike the gospel choirs that stick in a few token whiteys cos it ruins the sound.
Anyway...the US is a puzzling place.
Sounds like it's time to chill with the London community gospel choir for an hour before bed.
Goodnight. Great post. Best wishes :-)
PS isnt red the colour of communism?
I prayed for a Nathen visit and here you are. Go ahead, prove me wrong. ;D
My man, I had no idea. And I just as in just got Atlas a red necklace, too. What color is neutral? Mhm.
Hey, in my closet, I have a scarf from M&S, and a vest. I'm stateside now so I don't need them 11n1/2 months a year but I still got'em.
How in the world are you guys? She happy to be back? You live between UK and Thailand now or... Ever been over here? Plan on it? I know, more questions than answers, huh?
PS - Helluva imagination. = }
Thank you, sir.
We're back in Thailand since Christmas and opened the new clinic in Samui at the end of January. Now we're communting from Samui to Bangkok on a Friday night and back overnight Sunday, 480 miles each way to keep both clinics running while we slowly drop all the cases we have in Bangkok which is difficult as we've know a lot of these kids for years.
Business is a little too good tbh with a waiting list in Samui but hard work never killed anyone!
As for the US. You know, I made a big mistake when I was travelling and aimed to avoid places with folks speaking English but it was short sighted, as I realised later that the geographical and cultural diversity you have over there is breathtaking. However, I did spend a day in Miami once, as well as transiting through a couple of times, must have been 2003 because I wanted to see the art deco hotels and the first wife and I were on our way to the Bahamas for a few days so we had a day there which was amazing. While we were In Port Lucaya, we met this lovely couple from NYC who invited us over. He was a great guy, proper New Yorker like youd see on a TV show. Brilliant few nights with them but not long after...things started to go to shit and it never happened. One day though, when I persuade the wife she needs to sail across the Atlantic with me....after I've persuaded her to agree that I need to buy a boat...I'll be there. I need a Weekend in New England!
Hope you three are well and the roots are growing stronger :-)
PS I'd suggest that beige is neutral, and who the hell would want to be beige?!
Don't be dissin beige, white boy!
Have a !lolz
Don't tell me what to do!!!!
Oh honey child. You is really in the South. I've been in plenty of gyms, but most of my experience (outside of my own blessed (soft -ed) place of work) is with the usual gym bros and stereotypical sights you see on memes and the funny videos my friends insist on sending me of people almost decapitating themselves on gym equipment. 😂
How goes it? Been a minute. Or a ton of minutes. This spring kicked my @$$, so only just coming up for air in the last month or so. Hugs to your girl from me and give that puppy some pets and smooches.
Did you have to dust off your keyboard for that?
What's up you guys? Let's do lunch.
As many as I've been in, this one is special. 25/8, gospel gospel gospel.
The next closest one's 8 miles away.
The keyboard is getting plenty of action, just not always on the fun stuff. ;)
We are going to be in Asheville the weekend before the 4th...just saying...
How dare you threaten me with a good time!
Oh man that’s tough lol I have been listening to some Christian music lately but I don’t know if I could do it at the gym. I guess it’s better that then trying to listen to death metal. To me at least lol
Did you have a blessed work out?! You left that most important detail out dude.
I'm in here again right now, blessed'er than a mufuker!
Maybe I shouldn't say that. The part about in here again, of course, it suggests I'm addicted to health and fitness and I'm surrounded by judges!!
In Jesus name we pray.
!LOLZ
!LUV
!PIZZA
!HUG
!LUV @eii
😏
🤷♀
I'll see your stairway and raise you no speed limits.
Hahahahahahahaha...
Yay! 🤗
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What a bless-it comment. The most interesting one I must say. If you were choosing the best comment on this post, this has to be it! Definitely the comment that I'd going yo make America great again!
Oh bless'yer heart darlin.