Let's take a walk.
El-Jefe tapped me on the shoulder and wobbled on past, looking like someone had sewn five porky pigs together to make a gigantic Frankenpig.
I looked around at the folk sitting near me. They all studiously avoided my eye as if I was wearing a tie-dyed shirt.
Come on?
El-Jefe's voice was tinged with impatience as he got to the emergency fire staircase. Disregarding the This door is alarmed sign, he shoved it and held it open whilst waving me in.
I frowned. what the mother of fucks was going on here? Had I finally been found out? Was I to be thrown down the stairs and dumped in the rubbish bins out the back lane?
It seemed a little harsh for having coasted in my job for the last ten years but they do say that shit catches up with you. Whacking me in the stairwell struck me as a bit over the top though.
Reluctantly, I heaved myself to my feet and padded toward El-Jefe.
He beckoned me with an irritated flip of one of his podgy hands. His new, unironed, straight from the packet shirt made him look like a witchetty grub poking out of a pillowcase.
I rolled my shoulders as I approached, ready to chop him right in the fucking neck at the slightest hint of aggression.
source: https://www.canesbarandgrill.com/witchetty-grub/
Fuck sake, Boom-Dawg, could you walk any slower? Come on, we have places to go...
El-Jefe headed off down the fire stairs which given his girth meant that his descent resembled a beanbag made of meat banging around in a tumble drier.
I sighed and entered the stairwell, hands ready for anything.
We travelled all the way down the stairs in silence. Or at least, relative silence as El-Jefe puffed and wheezed down the last flight or two.
At the bottom we exited into a side street, startling several smokers and vapers who fluttered away cawing and squawking indignantly at the interruption.
One of the vapers left behind a gigantic exhalation of something almost strawberry and not for the first time I thought it might be nice to hook up with a lady vaper.
In the past, I had always found girls who smoked were much wetter on the inside than those who didn't and checking out that this held for vapers was surely valuable research that the Good Lady could hardly deny.
El Jefe made a barking noise and tipped his head down the street, gesturing me to stay close.
Fuck sake.
Again, I trailed after him.
Finally, we stopped outside a building site. The clanging of metal almost drowned out the sweary shouts of the Polish builders stomping around in hi-vis vests and yellow boots.
This is it, Boomer. This is going to be our new office.
El-Jefe flapped one of his bingo-wings in the direction of the skeletal structure poking up from the earth.
Ah, right. Very good.
I tried to be enthused but I have never been one to get excited about building sites.
But that's not why I bought you here. See that bit up there? The sixth floor, in the corner. That will be our office.
He folded his arms and looked smug.
Our office?
I was slightly baffled. We were an open-plan crew. Nobody had their own office. Was he mistaken?
Yes, ours. Just ours. Me and you will be sharing an office!
El-Jefe clapped his hands together as Gordon Ramsay does after shouting at someone.
I made a face as if I could smell someone burning pigs teeth.
Ewww. What, just me and you? Like lovers?
I stepped back shaking my head.
Like lo... like what?! No, what do you mean like lovers?! What? That's fucking weird?
It was El-Jefe's turn to step back and glare at me in disgust.
Weird? You're the one suggesting it?!
I didn't suggest any such thing!
El-Jefe stomped his foot and grumbled mightily.
Sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head. Come, let's get back.
He huffed and grumpily turned, starting the trek back to the office we didn't share.
I smirked.
Coming darling.
When I took my first "career" job, it was during the dot-com boom. If you were qualified, the question wasn't whether you'd get the job, it was whether they'd be able to find you a seat within your first month of employment.
Within a couple of months of taking the job, I was helping the department move to a new location. The building was 1,000,000 sqft, so it was "relatively" easy to find room for a team of 36.
That's when I had a similar walk with my boss. We'd found the space, it was going to be semi-open concept with the exception that my boss and I would get offices. Then he showed me my new office.
It was literally a 10'X10'X10' Faraday cage. The floor, walls and ceiling were copper. The door looked like your typical industrial walk-in freezer door. And all electricity/cables came in through a hole on one side.
I highly doubt that it would pass all the safety requirements of today. But ... I had a desk, couple of chairs, lamps. If I closed the door and turned off my lamps, there was zero light - true blackness.
If myself or one of my co-workers happened to pass gas while in "the cage", the smell would linger a very, very long time unless I turned on the fan that I requisitioned for just this reason.
If I tried to have a long conversation with more than 1 person in there, condensation would build on smooth surfaces (again, no airflow)
I was delighted when we decided to move the team to a different location. Next stop was a window office overlooking a massive park with a distant view of the Toronto skyline.
Fast forward to today ... my current company is still working on a back-to-the-office plan. If I had a choice between moving to an open concept cubicle setup, sharing an office with a coworker or returning to my faraday cage ... into the cage I'd happily go.
They must have thought that you had some kind of superpowers that they had to contain hence putting you in the faraday cage!
I once worked in an office that had no windows and was above the cafeteria where they served a lot of chips. Everyday the place would smell of vinegar and fried potato and occasionally fried fish. It was hell on earth as it kinda clung to you when you left.
I am still mostly working from home thankfully. I don't think they will ever convince us all to go back in. They are building the new office as a smaller thing so obviously they think that is the way of the future too! hurrah for home working!
My director's office is under the exhaust fan (on the roof) used by the cafeteria below him. So he gets the noise from people in the cafeteria, and the constant hum of the exhaust fan. At 5PM, the exhaust fan turns off and the sound levels in his office drop by about 15dB. :-)
I don't think I could handle the smell of Fish & Chips every day ... it'd either make me really hungry or feeling ill. ;-).
My wife is currently working with an HR department on developing a proper hybrid model work environment. i.e. People share desks, but can be assigned desks if they are willing to work 3 days, then 2 days for alternating weeks. So they are assigned desks/spaces, but only on days that days they are scheduled to be in the office. Some "swing spaces" are being made available in case you need to come in on your off day. The company will provide headsets, properly equipped meeting/board rooms etc, etc.
The end goal is the same as you mention above. The company will be able to reduce real estate if they can manage juggling employees - and keeping them happy.
I couldnt take working under an aircon like that. I know you get used to the noise but I think it would drive you slowly mad.
That coupled with smells would just be the end of everything.
That sounds like the way to do it. Our new office is meant to enable something similar but perhaps with less focus on making the employees happy :OD
One other aspect that she is trying to look at is parking. Since the office is downtown and parking is $200/month, they are approaching the parking authority to see if they can arrange 2for1 parking passes. i.e. the two employees who share a desk would each get a parking pass (different color). The parking lot would know the colour of the day etc etc. But then the logistics start to get mangled since you are now involving a third party. etc etc.
It's going to be a new world.
My daughter recently quit her job and took another because her "previous" employer wanted her in the office twice a week, her "new" employer is 100% work from home. The new employer's only requirement is that you have to be on Canadian soil for at least 6 months (plus a day) - so that you comply with the Canadian tax law.
Think about that. Being in your 20's again and being told you could effectively work from anywhere you wanted for close to half the year ... as long as you have internet. I don't know if I would have had the control needed for that much freedom.
I definitely wouldnt have had the control back then. I would have been a sodden mess staying up all night and winging it during the day.
Parking is a thing. My place are building the new office with zero parking. Fortunately there is a biggish car park nearby which is cheap as chips, £5 for all day parking which is a quarter of your average price.
I see a lot of people now working in places and for places they never could have before simply because it is remote. I like this new world!
Vaping is such a thing here. Everyone walks around suckin on a battery but if what you say is true, we should mass produce tie-dye shirts with a vape pen on them that says suck on this.
Burning pigs teeth face?! Dude that's funny.
You dont get burning pigs teeth often!
Vaping is all over here as well. You cant move outside without walking through massive clouds of fake smoke! I like the shirt idea, we could be on to our first million!
Hahaha, oh man, that made me explode!!!
With El-Jefe stomping his foot, if it's anything close to resembling Frankenpig movements mentioned, "Polish builders stomping around in hi-vis vests and yellow boots", that sounds so charming future lurking ahead.
Side street vapers sound more enticing no matter wet or dry, better proposition, no so?
!BEER Another story extending your never ending romanticism in office life!
I must admit having been a smoker in the past there if a small part of me that is tempted by the fruity extravagance of some of the vapes I smell. They seem lovely! Although the attachment to yet another thing that needs constantly charged would annoy me.
Did someone say !BEER :0D
Nah leaves rolled up into neat zoll or pipe, still most enjoyable could never match that sickly sweet perfume bellowing out in plumes... Stick with the real thing, completely authentic bad habit!
!LOLZ
I do like my bad habits! I swear I used to think a cigarette with a coffee or a drink was the best thing ever. I am amazed I ever managed to quit!
I've given up giving up, now accept my fate, a crutch to get me through the day. Puff pipe tobacco is slightly a lot cleaner than the cigarettes laced with who know what no.....
You are right there, cigarettes are absolutely abound with nonsense to keep them lit to keep them fresh to do all sorts of things. Proper leaf is the way it was meant to be puffed.
Problem is getting fresh bacci without flavour or fuss, was able to get fresh leaves properly cured from Rhodesia (Zimbabwe) Tobacco farmers, now covid took the contact I had, life has changed...
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BEER.Sharing an office with one other person and being g the only two to have one is slightly weird. But still, it must be better than being in an open pen sort of setup.
I like the open pen! I would probably be fine sharing with someone I actively liked. But not someone I couldn't be bothered with like the hefalump!
Okay I see. Yeah I totally get not wanting to be alone in a room all day with someone you're not fully keen on. That's not a great situation at all. Good luck with that. Maybe you need to invest in a good pair of noise canceling headphones lol
It perhaps invest in one of those cages that people put their dogs in. That would work. It's ok, now I know his grand plan I will work on him to he thinks it's not a great idea!
Haha Sabotage!
Hehe, that gif is awesome!
🤣😂
Dear God, now the little gerbil will be avoiding you now that he thinks you want him.
Three grand plan has been unveiled!! He has over a year of this to take!!
Haha! I should send him a bottle of wine! He is going to need it!
He doesn't drink wine which in a man of his age I don't trust!
Sharing a ln office with a witchetty grub...You must be so proud of how your hard work and effort has paid off so handsomely.
Now, what the bloody fuck are you on about with the girls who smoke are wetter on the inside thing. I never heard that. Is it true? Has there been stringent and extensive research done, conclusive results? Post it.
I look back at what I have achieved in my work career and I can only shake my head and think what the bloody fuck?
I believe it to be true but I don't have all of the evidence. I must convince the Good Lady of the benefits such knowledge will bring to mankind and begin testing :0D
Testing must happen, loads of it.
Also, I forgot to say, when you have mentioned El-Jefe in other posts my imagination always pictured him looking like a witchetty grub. Nailed it, thanks imagination.
Good old imagination never lets us down. It's funny when people get like they are wearing another skin on top of their own. You get awfully tempted to try and rip them out of it. But that might end you up in prison.
I shall collate the results and publish a paper for the shorter community! I could tag it STEM and DPORN and rake in all the tokens!
You handing out your gazillions of tokens.
Except they are all mine,,, mine!!
DPORN? Really? :)
tah-tahhhhh honeybunnie
I just only recently got into the world offices but one thing I have learned, I either want no one in there or a bunch of people. If I see someone from work more during a day than my hubby...something is terribly wrong haha
Hehe, I am of the same opinion! I want loads or just me. Working from home suits as it is fairly solitary. Traped in a box with another person, NO!
A considerable amount of people in the world have been working remotely from anywhere since the pandemic. So, why you two need an office 😁
Exactly. The Predator that he is. It worked no doubt be only two minutes before he got his lad poor and started waggling it in my direction!
I'd say congratulations are in order! New cellie up and coming at new fancy dancy duds. Maybe suggest the pub for celebration (on El-Jefe's tab of course).
This was a particularly delightful vision, punctuated by the picturesque. 😂
This sort of open invitation sets you up for all kinds of handsy things, #justsaying. 😏
I did chuckle when reading that and almost removed the word hands but then thought, how dare I suggest such a thing to myself and left it in :0D
He was looking spectacularly amusing today. I mean, I am not anal about these things but it looked like he had been dressed by a carer!
LOL! Better you left it in.
😂 Now how would you know those secrets?
I am the keeper of the secrets! I know all! ;OD
Oh Great Scottish Oracle, what shall the next year bring into my life?
Aaaaahhh. I see a great reckoning, distance traveled and fierce joy!
LOL! Any salty waters in that vision?
bwahahhahaaha! i would not want to share an office with a witchetty grub either, lol. What kinda work do you guys do?
!LOLZ
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We work in testing! Software testing. Cutting edge donkey work stuff! Its fun.. he said lyingly :OD
I actually like testing believe it or not. My favourite part of my job is ripping a website apart and finding the flaws. I also have this nagging feeling our developers secretly loathe me coz Im always finding more flaws than their testers. Not donkey work at all, I would say more insect work. Things can get a bit buggy...!PIZZA
There is a very great delight in finding them bugs!!
I like it when a team is a will oiled thing and everyone tries to minimise the defects. Sadly with the model we now have with lots of external partners we are finding thousands of em!
I think the worst part is when they say, fixed; please test. and I start fixing, and I'm like Da fuq did you fix man!
Oh hahaha! That is the worst! Had that so many times. You are thinking, how could you have thought this was fixed!?!
Then there is the other thing when they do fix it and break everything else in the process 🤣
I just think they should fire their testers, that's all. I guess I have a backup career as a tester if SEO goes to shit!
of course! also, working on tests and deploying to production causes everything to break because your environments are not properly duplicated.
Also, its very fitting that you called your partner a witchery grub. I vote your whole team get bug names - or maybe it's prob more fitting for clients - especially the annoying ones!
Burning pigs teeth? How does that smell?
Seriously. I have not heard this expression so far.
I made it up! I like to make up things that haven't already been coined that tickle my imagination!
I bet it smells horrible!!
Urrr-Urrrr.....
But you know, once you are both in the office nice and snug, maybe shortly after he's the one that takes the "accidental" tumble down the stairs. Vwa-LA.... the whole office, just for you.
No... no.. you are not going to be too popular with the rest of the crew. The daily stink-eye... that's what is in store for you. LOL !!
That's right, I would be getting that. They would assume we were partners in crime?!!
I will definitely have to work on it not happening!
Yes... you can use the old "I think sitting out with the crew builds a better relationship with the other workers and keeps morale better when we look like a real team" That's what they always told the supervisors and managers where I work as an excuse for why they weren't getting offices of their own.
I think that is exactly the line Iwill use and you are right, When they first put us into open plan mode that was exactly the nonsense they used to always spout!
I can just picture him....
So he's got an office planned especially just for you two!!? Sounds dodgy!
It does indeed!! We don't do offices! We are all open plan. Or at least used to be gulp!
Well that's one way to make sure you're not sharing an office XD
Thats the plan! I need to keep it up! :OD
Hi @meesterboom ,you're going to share an office with your boss haaaaaaa I guess your boss will bring you coffee in the morning haaaaa, well they're starting to build maybe he'll put his eyes on another of your colleagues, if not you'll have to put up with your boss's sweet looks :)
Well, if he bought me coffee in the morning that might be a whole different proposition!! :0)
In the past, I had always found girls who smoked were much wetter on the inside than those who didn't and checking out that this held for vapers was surely valuable research that the Good Lady could hardly deny.
This is a bloody revelation!!!!!
That's right sister. It's a fact!! Science can't explain it!
Is that something that one often experiences in Scotland?
There are many terrible things we experience in Scotland but truly the burning of the pigs teeth is something best saved for a special occasion :0)
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